I have been seeing the most melancholy status updates on Facebook and Twitter about VDAY. Come on people, come on, it is just a day!!! Not having a Valentine will NOT kill you. There are many people with Valentine sweethearts who are absolutely miserable. Okay, so what do we do here for all the broken hearts? Let's create : )
First, the love that you seek is within YOU. You must look inside of your beautiful self and see a being who is absolutely worthy of love. You do this by feeding yourself daily affirmations.
I am perfect.
I am whole.
I am complete.
I am worthy.
I am deserving.
You really want to get very clear that these things are true about you DESPITE what your past says. Your past could have damaged you, perhaps even traumatized many of you but your past is just that, the past. Here we are, in the present, which is the best gift of all. You have the opportunity to create a love that is abundant, long lasting, beautiful and that will survive past one flimsy Valentine day. Get present to the idea that VDAY is a commercial holiday. It means only what you make it mean. What good is VDAY without the other 365 days (Leap year) being filled with absolute love and happiness?
We attract those on the same wavelength as us. So for all of you people who keep saying that you are finding these terrible dates, I am going to encourage you to look within yourself and see what it is about YOU that keeps attracting the same people over and over again. You must raise your vibration and change your thought process in order to attract who you truly want. However, in addition to attracting the right man /woman you must be clear that your life is ready to receive them. Is your space clear and clutter free? Are you in alignment with your higher self? Have you been praying and mediating? Are you taking care of your temple which includes you mind, body and spirit? Are you diligently working on your elevation? All of these things matter tremendously but NOTHING is more important that self work. Self work is what will make EVERYTHING in your life work or not work.
Consider that you can easily attract a valentine, sure. However, what are you committed to? Short term satisfaction or long term love. Long term love takes work, however if done correctly long term love can produce the most euphoric, delicious, wonderful love that can feel like St. Valentine's Day every single day. Check your thoughts. Observe your behavior. What more self work could you be doing? Do NOT obsess over finding love, it will find you at the appropriate time. In the mean time, work on yourself and constantly find ways to elevate yourself. Life is good and it's so much sweeter with love. There is no greater love than self love, once you have that, you can be in the most fulfilling relationship of your life.
Interested in a free consult?
Visit my website: www.purepeacelifecoaching.com
Showing posts with label self love. Show all posts
Showing posts with label self love. Show all posts
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Monday, December 26, 2011
Vulnerability
To be vulnerable, is to give someone access to the things that make you cry, freak out, and make you uncomfortable. I think that to give someone this access can give you a huge amount of freedom because you would finally be able to share very openly and truthfully. However, getting to that point of absolute vulnerability requires a significant amount of self work and a worthy person. I have NOT been very vulnerable with many people in my life. I had a belief that once someone else knows what makes me breakdown they would use it against me. My fear of sharing my real self was greater than connecting 100% with someone. I realize now, that in hindsight that wasn't the best move. However, I also was not in a place where I even knew how to share myself openly. I would always be the listening ear, and the go to person for all things personal but I would never share. How could I? After all, no one would understand.
What was I so scared of? Why are people so scared to share and be open? I know that I just couldn't bear to have have my vulnerabilities being in someone elses' possession. I could not imagine sharing my secrets with someone. Instead, I would deflect and side step deep emotions and I would hide behind fake arguments, tears about one thing but they were really about something deeper but I did not have the guts to share. I believe that many people have the same issues as me, they just don't want to put themselves out there to be hurt. That is extremely understandable and at some point everyone feels that way, no one wants their secrets to be used against them. Therefore people close up and they share partly, but not fully. As a result we have many people walking around in relationship giving 60% or 30% or even 20% of themselves and missing out on something amazing by not sharing fully.
What can be done here? What did I do? I got present to the fact that by NOT sharing myself wholly and completely that I was missing out on some BIG love. I was missing out because I was too busy protecting myself from sharing and therefore I was pushing important people away. I got very clear that in order to have the life of my dreams I would have to strip down with myself first. Ask myself, what on earth was I hiding? What was I hiding from? Who was I hiding from? Of course the answer is me. I was not being real with myself. I wasn't facing my own demons and my own nasty things that I was unwilling to deal with. I figured that if anyone found out my secrets I would be unloved and I would be discarded like garbage. Again, I did not think I would be worthy of all the love in the world if I was even a little bit broken. No one would love something broken, no one. Finally, I woke up. I thought about all the people who I love that come to me when they are broken. I love them more, broken pieces and all because that is what they deserve. People deserve to be held, listened to, acknowledged and LOVED when they are at their worst. I was and am ALWAYS willing to do that for someone. I just did not think that anyone would do it for me. That, right there is the highest degree of self loathing and lack of self love. I needed to break out of that habit immediately.
MY happiness does not occur outside of me. No one can make me happy, sad, mad or glad without my permission. I had to get very clear that I was worthy of everything that I wanted and in order to have deep, meaningful, long lasting relationships I would have to be absolutely vulnerable with those in my life. I had to be willing to put it all on the table and even risk being hurt but the reward is so much greater than ANY amount of pain. The reward would be a love so deep and profound that it would move me to tears by just the thought. So for all my clients looking for love or wondering why their relationships aren't working, I urge them to check themselves. Check yourself meaning be real and open with yourself. Get to the source of your pain, fear, anger, sadness and anything else that would make you hide from meaningful relationships. Open yourself up, and allow love to flow from you so that it can flow into you. You are so worthy of a beautiful love, and it starts first with loving yourself. That there is the key to every successful relationship.
Tahira West
PurePeaceLC@gmail.com
201-500-7146
Facebook: www.facebook.com/purepeacelifecoaching
Twitter: @PurePeaceLC
What was I so scared of? Why are people so scared to share and be open? I know that I just couldn't bear to have have my vulnerabilities being in someone elses' possession. I could not imagine sharing my secrets with someone. Instead, I would deflect and side step deep emotions and I would hide behind fake arguments, tears about one thing but they were really about something deeper but I did not have the guts to share. I believe that many people have the same issues as me, they just don't want to put themselves out there to be hurt. That is extremely understandable and at some point everyone feels that way, no one wants their secrets to be used against them. Therefore people close up and they share partly, but not fully. As a result we have many people walking around in relationship giving 60% or 30% or even 20% of themselves and missing out on something amazing by not sharing fully.
What can be done here? What did I do? I got present to the fact that by NOT sharing myself wholly and completely that I was missing out on some BIG love. I was missing out because I was too busy protecting myself from sharing and therefore I was pushing important people away. I got very clear that in order to have the life of my dreams I would have to strip down with myself first. Ask myself, what on earth was I hiding? What was I hiding from? Who was I hiding from? Of course the answer is me. I was not being real with myself. I wasn't facing my own demons and my own nasty things that I was unwilling to deal with. I figured that if anyone found out my secrets I would be unloved and I would be discarded like garbage. Again, I did not think I would be worthy of all the love in the world if I was even a little bit broken. No one would love something broken, no one. Finally, I woke up. I thought about all the people who I love that come to me when they are broken. I love them more, broken pieces and all because that is what they deserve. People deserve to be held, listened to, acknowledged and LOVED when they are at their worst. I was and am ALWAYS willing to do that for someone. I just did not think that anyone would do it for me. That, right there is the highest degree of self loathing and lack of self love. I needed to break out of that habit immediately.
MY happiness does not occur outside of me. No one can make me happy, sad, mad or glad without my permission. I had to get very clear that I was worthy of everything that I wanted and in order to have deep, meaningful, long lasting relationships I would have to be absolutely vulnerable with those in my life. I had to be willing to put it all on the table and even risk being hurt but the reward is so much greater than ANY amount of pain. The reward would be a love so deep and profound that it would move me to tears by just the thought. So for all my clients looking for love or wondering why their relationships aren't working, I urge them to check themselves. Check yourself meaning be real and open with yourself. Get to the source of your pain, fear, anger, sadness and anything else that would make you hide from meaningful relationships. Open yourself up, and allow love to flow from you so that it can flow into you. You are so worthy of a beautiful love, and it starts first with loving yourself. That there is the key to every successful relationship.
Tahira West
PurePeaceLC@gmail.com
201-500-7146
Facebook: www.facebook.com/purepeacelifecoaching
Twitter: @PurePeaceLC
Thursday, December 15, 2011
OWN YOUR HAPPINESS
"Something Like Beautiful" the poignant novel by asha bandele has been a hot topic between a friend and I. asha talks openly about her pain from lost relationships, losing her own sense of self, managing money to make ends meet and being the best parent possible to her child. Many women deal with these issues very silently. We work hard, but grieve harder by ourselves, late at night, in our beds and crying our eyes out. We choose to wear cookie cutter smiles but our eyes give our pain away to those who truly know us. They may inquire if they are bold enough, but we always respond with that same answer, "I am just tired." However, even though being tired isn't a lie, the level of tiredness goes deeper than perhaps even we know. The level of sadness when we as women are mourning when we feel like we have lost ourselves is a monumental. Especially when we know that we have children to take care of, we put their needs first, we take care of them and even the people close to us, we give of ourselves to a fault. We wear ourselves out and expend all of our energy until we have nothing left but tears, pain and memories of dreams we once believed would come true.
Why do we do this? What causes us to hide from ourselves? Why do we lie to ourselves? My guess is that we are deeply ashamed of our blunders. We examine our lives and wonder, what on earth happened here? How did I stray so far from my goal? Well, what happened is that we were out of integrity with ourselves. At some point we started putting off the goals that we set for ourselves by lying, making ourselves tired and giving up on our goals, dreams, hopes and ambitions. We settle for second best knowing that we deserve to be first. We cater to men who do not deserve us. We self sabotage and then point the fingers at others to somehow soften the blow of selling out on ourselves. Eventually because we forgot how to relate to ourselves as Goddesses and Queens we settle for the treatment not even fit for peasants and we cry really hard about it. We feel sorry for ourselves. We start to hate on other women for no reason because perhaps she has the body that you always wanted, but never allowed yourself to have. We hate men because they have treated us badly, dishonored us and threw us away. However, what we never, ever, ever say to ourselves is "I allowed it." No one can do anything to you that you do not give them permission to do. We start with tiny bits of compromising and soon enough that turns into a us giving up on the person who we really want to be, and for what? To cry alone in bed at night throwing the biggest pity party ever? GIMME A BREAK!!!!
As women we have a very high threshold for pain. We are built for war, there is no doubt about that. What we need to start doing is appreciating ourselves. I don't mean just saying it, but doing it. Take time to see where you are. Take an honest inventory of your life and see what parts you keep and what parts you throw away. Do not keep anything that doesn't serve you and that includes people, things, habits and patterns. We are worth everything great under the sun but you have to honestly believe that. You have to be clear that your life won't work the way you need it to work until you are honest with yourself. The honesty may be brutal, it may even be painful but at least you will know the truth about yourself. Until you clean out the junk and the muck that has accumulated in your space you will be putting pearls on a pile of shit. That we all know is counter productive. Strip down bare, naked, vulnerable, hold nothing back and just be open with yourself. What do you see? Who do you see?
Life is yours for the taking and the living. Live it powerfully. Leave the grief, sadness and the pain at the door. Leave your past at the door and your future in the future. Focus on the present. The present is a gift and it is the perfect opportunity to create something beautiful for yourself. I cannot tell you what it will take to make you happy. I don't know what you need, nor will I ever know and no one but you will either. You have decide what is more important to you, a life filled with grief or a life well spent even if you had to start over in the middle? Every moment is an opportunity for you to start your life anew. You have to be willing to do it. No one is going to make you as happy as you can make yourself. Take the time to work on yourself and invest in yourselves too. You are worth it. You are as Goddess and a Queen and you deserve nothing short of royalty. Own your happiness. Own it!!
If you are interested in unlocking some of the gems inside of you and you are seriously ready to invest in yourself drop me a line.
Tahira West
201-500-7146
PurePeaceLC@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/purepeacelifecoaching
@PurePeaceLC on Twitter
Why do we do this? What causes us to hide from ourselves? Why do we lie to ourselves? My guess is that we are deeply ashamed of our blunders. We examine our lives and wonder, what on earth happened here? How did I stray so far from my goal? Well, what happened is that we were out of integrity with ourselves. At some point we started putting off the goals that we set for ourselves by lying, making ourselves tired and giving up on our goals, dreams, hopes and ambitions. We settle for second best knowing that we deserve to be first. We cater to men who do not deserve us. We self sabotage and then point the fingers at others to somehow soften the blow of selling out on ourselves. Eventually because we forgot how to relate to ourselves as Goddesses and Queens we settle for the treatment not even fit for peasants and we cry really hard about it. We feel sorry for ourselves. We start to hate on other women for no reason because perhaps she has the body that you always wanted, but never allowed yourself to have. We hate men because they have treated us badly, dishonored us and threw us away. However, what we never, ever, ever say to ourselves is "I allowed it." No one can do anything to you that you do not give them permission to do. We start with tiny bits of compromising and soon enough that turns into a us giving up on the person who we really want to be, and for what? To cry alone in bed at night throwing the biggest pity party ever? GIMME A BREAK!!!!
As women we have a very high threshold for pain. We are built for war, there is no doubt about that. What we need to start doing is appreciating ourselves. I don't mean just saying it, but doing it. Take time to see where you are. Take an honest inventory of your life and see what parts you keep and what parts you throw away. Do not keep anything that doesn't serve you and that includes people, things, habits and patterns. We are worth everything great under the sun but you have to honestly believe that. You have to be clear that your life won't work the way you need it to work until you are honest with yourself. The honesty may be brutal, it may even be painful but at least you will know the truth about yourself. Until you clean out the junk and the muck that has accumulated in your space you will be putting pearls on a pile of shit. That we all know is counter productive. Strip down bare, naked, vulnerable, hold nothing back and just be open with yourself. What do you see? Who do you see?
Life is yours for the taking and the living. Live it powerfully. Leave the grief, sadness and the pain at the door. Leave your past at the door and your future in the future. Focus on the present. The present is a gift and it is the perfect opportunity to create something beautiful for yourself. I cannot tell you what it will take to make you happy. I don't know what you need, nor will I ever know and no one but you will either. You have decide what is more important to you, a life filled with grief or a life well spent even if you had to start over in the middle? Every moment is an opportunity for you to start your life anew. You have to be willing to do it. No one is going to make you as happy as you can make yourself. Take the time to work on yourself and invest in yourselves too. You are worth it. You are as Goddess and a Queen and you deserve nothing short of royalty. Own your happiness. Own it!!
If you are interested in unlocking some of the gems inside of you and you are seriously ready to invest in yourself drop me a line.
Tahira West
201-500-7146
PurePeaceLC@gmail.com
www.facebook.com/purepeacelifecoaching
@PurePeaceLC on Twitter
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I Love You But I LOVE ME MORE
I often wonder what people mean when they say that they love someone more than themselves. I wouldn't want someone to love me more than they love themselves because that love must certainly be questionable. Loving oneself is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself. Loving yourself frees you from tolerating nonsense and standing up for yourself. Loving yourself allows you to be real with yourself and others without hesitation even if it means loving the people from a distance.
This year was one that changed my life forever. I got married, had my first child, started my own company and let go of two people who I was once very close to. I am not ashamed to say that I love these two people but life has taken us to separate life journeys. I have no problem moving away from friendships that are no longer age appropriate nor mentally fulfilling. I can't speak for them but having a child has opened my eyes to the kind of people I want in my life and the people that I don't. It's as simple as that. I hold no hard feelings, no malice, no harm intended but some people I choose to love from a distance and that is okay with me.
How many times have people made you feel guilty for making a choice that's best for you but not necessarily best for them? They can feel however they want but YOU have to remember that you're the star player in your life and you must look out for your best interest. Whether it's choosing to leave a relationship, friendship or job if you're not happy you have to make the move that will allow your bliss to flow. Staying in any situation that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable cannot possibly end well. Neither party appreciates being jerked around, and as much as parting ways may hurt at the time it is probably best for everyone. Keep in mind that people get hurt and they will say things from that place that are truthful for them. I was told that my love is conditional, I make rules but don't play by them, I'm a hypocrite, I don't really know what love is and plenty more. What I've taken away from those opinions is that they are just that, opinions. Did they hurt? Yes! Was I upset? Yes! Did I vent about it? Yes! Did it break me? No!!!! Hell no!! What it did was allow me to take a look at myself from their point of view. I admit that I have a way about me that can occur as cold and unwilling to check myself if you're looking for it to be like that. However, what is the truth and what will never change is that I love my friends dearly and I will do anything for them. However, once I evaluate a friendship and it seems one sided or something is gone that cannot be replaced nor retrieved I bow out. I bow out in peace and wish them the best. Contrary to their beliefs I'm very critical of myself and I take a long hard meditation to fully grasp the situation. Things don't always go the way I want them to, I don't always say things with the most amount of compassion but the love is always there. Always!!
I shared about me so openly because there is freedom in it. I love myself and I love the person I have become and I'm never afraid to say that. I hope all my readers will also do the same by facing yourself and not being afraid to discover the parts of yourself that need polishing but you love you anyway. If you guys can practice loving yourself, flaws and all you'll have an easier time walking away from situations that you no longer want to be a part of. I'll say it again, you have to love you more than you love anyone else in order to be a truly unconditional lover. We only have one life to live and to love. Why would you want to waste it being miserable and uncomfortable? We shouldn't. Love others but love you more.
Want practice in loving yourself?
Call me: (201) 500-7146
Email me: PurePeaceLC@gmail.com
Visit my website: www.purepeacewithlove.com
This year was one that changed my life forever. I got married, had my first child, started my own company and let go of two people who I was once very close to. I am not ashamed to say that I love these two people but life has taken us to separate life journeys. I have no problem moving away from friendships that are no longer age appropriate nor mentally fulfilling. I can't speak for them but having a child has opened my eyes to the kind of people I want in my life and the people that I don't. It's as simple as that. I hold no hard feelings, no malice, no harm intended but some people I choose to love from a distance and that is okay with me.
How many times have people made you feel guilty for making a choice that's best for you but not necessarily best for them? They can feel however they want but YOU have to remember that you're the star player in your life and you must look out for your best interest. Whether it's choosing to leave a relationship, friendship or job if you're not happy you have to make the move that will allow your bliss to flow. Staying in any situation that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable cannot possibly end well. Neither party appreciates being jerked around, and as much as parting ways may hurt at the time it is probably best for everyone. Keep in mind that people get hurt and they will say things from that place that are truthful for them. I was told that my love is conditional, I make rules but don't play by them, I'm a hypocrite, I don't really know what love is and plenty more. What I've taken away from those opinions is that they are just that, opinions. Did they hurt? Yes! Was I upset? Yes! Did I vent about it? Yes! Did it break me? No!!!! Hell no!! What it did was allow me to take a look at myself from their point of view. I admit that I have a way about me that can occur as cold and unwilling to check myself if you're looking for it to be like that. However, what is the truth and what will never change is that I love my friends dearly and I will do anything for them. However, once I evaluate a friendship and it seems one sided or something is gone that cannot be replaced nor retrieved I bow out. I bow out in peace and wish them the best. Contrary to their beliefs I'm very critical of myself and I take a long hard meditation to fully grasp the situation. Things don't always go the way I want them to, I don't always say things with the most amount of compassion but the love is always there. Always!!
I shared about me so openly because there is freedom in it. I love myself and I love the person I have become and I'm never afraid to say that. I hope all my readers will also do the same by facing yourself and not being afraid to discover the parts of yourself that need polishing but you love you anyway. If you guys can practice loving yourself, flaws and all you'll have an easier time walking away from situations that you no longer want to be a part of. I'll say it again, you have to love you more than you love anyone else in order to be a truly unconditional lover. We only have one life to live and to love. Why would you want to waste it being miserable and uncomfortable? We shouldn't. Love others but love you more.
Want practice in loving yourself?
Call me: (201) 500-7146
Email me: PurePeaceLC@gmail.com
Visit my website: www.purepeacewithlove.com
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
ENOUGH!!!!!!
---- Tahira West-Sylvan"Love will never hurt. Love won't hurt you with hands, words or deeds. If you feel pain and you think that you have to stick it out because of love, you are taking love away from yourself. Love heals, love builds, love comforts, love brings you to honesty, love brings you to a place of peace. Anytime pain is introduced,... that is the absence of love. Take care of yourself."
When is it time to say enough? I am through! I have had it! I am leaving and I am not coming back! The answer is anytime. Anytime you want to say enough is when you say it. Will you? Now that is a different matter all together.
I had to explore why people stay so long in situations that they dislike. Of course in order to get a reasonable answer I had to look at myself. Why do I tolerate certain situations for a long time before I say enough? I think as a child I never really told. I didn't tell on my friends or my cousins when they did something bad, I just watched. As an adult that has gotten me into situations that could have been avoided had I put my foot down and said ENOUGH but I just tolerate the nonsense. Finally I said to myself, I am worth so much more than taking someone's shit. I am worth more than anyone's short comings, I am worth more than having to take someone's shit because they feel badly about themselves. I AM NO ONE'S PUNCHING BAG, physically or emotionally.
So for my readers I ask, why do you take someone's crap? Why do you let them abuse you because they feel bad about them? What's that about? Could it be that you stay because you think that is what love is. Could it be that you think that you have to endure and suffer to say that you have love? Could it be that without that kind of pain you don't feel valid? There could be a series of things and YOU have to find what it is. I encourage and urge you to become so deeply invested in yourself that you will feel like you are in love all over again. What does that kind of love look like? Well for starters, you put your foot down and say ENOUGH. Don't just say enough and bluff but say enough and walk away. Take a day, a week, a month, whatever it takes to get back to you. Fall in love with yourself again by reminding yourself that you are your number one. You have to remember why you are wonderful, beautiful and worthy of all things good. Take long walks with yourself, talk to yourself, pamper yourself. All of those things are wonderful but none of them will matter until you can FORGIVE YOURSELF and MASTER YOUR THOUGHTS.
Forgive yourself for allowing you to be abused, mistreated and for not standing up for yourself. Forgive yourself for straying far away from who you are and for forgetting to lift yourself up everyday. You forgive yourself and then you stuff yourself with beautiful thoughts. You design what you want your life to look like, figure out what your life needs and flood yourself with ways to getting what you need. Just as simply as you allowed yourself to get lost, and tell yourself lies....well its is just as simple to find yourself and be real with you. Be real YOU! Find You! Love you! Invest in you!
I understand that I didn't provide you with the easiest concepts in the world here but I am willing to work with you. This blog is a guide but my coaching is transformational. You need support finding yourself? You need support saying ENOUGH? Reach out to me, the realest and most compassionate life coach.
Email: Purepeacelc@gmail.com
Phone: 201-500-7146
Website: www.purepeacewithlove.com
Thursday, October 21, 2010
What Do You Deserve?
What do you deserve is a question I pose to all of my clients. Asking what do you want is great but you can want it, but if you don't feel like you deserve it then you won't put in the work for it. Deserve means to be worthy of. Lets look at that for a moment.... TO BE WORTHY OF!!!! You as a human being is worthy of everything in this world. You are a worthy of having everything that you deserve AND more. However, it won't fall into your lap because you say you are worthy. You have to work for those things.The truth is in order to have the things you want, even if you think you are deserving it does take work.
There was this person I knew once who worked hard all throughout school. Their grades were great, attendance was perfect and the relationship with the teachers was well formed. This person was worthy of the rewards of a successful academic career. However, due to a lack of motivation towards academics and more of drive towards romance, what they once deserved was taken away. This person chose the path that they thought was the correct one but in the end due to lack of work in both academic and romantic endeavors that person became unworthy and eventually lost both things.
It takes a considerable amount of maintenance to keep the things that we are deserving of and the desire for some of those things will eventually fade, we let them go and work towards a different set of goals. I often hear people say that they deserve success...love...marriage...happiness...etc...etc... I am in no position to say who is deserving of what. However, I do know that if you prove to be unworthy all of those things that you think you deserve will indeed fade away or never manifest themselves in your life.
Naturally we say, we want success, but do you deserve it? Are you worthy of it? Well are you putting in the work for it? You cannot possibly be worthy of success if you are not putting in the work to be successful. Ask yourself, am I getting up early enough to make it to work on time? Am I showing my boss that I am worthy of keeping my job by being on time? Once I am at work, am I a working on my tasks consistently? Am I finishing my assignments on time? Am I doing impeccable work. Be honest with yourself and see if you deserve your job...are you worthy of your job? This maybe tough to answer but you must be honest with yourself to see why your life doesn't work.
Your life can be full of worth and deserving of great things but YOU have to be focused on what it is you need to do. You can have love, you can have happiness, you can have all the success but there are things that you need to put in place in order to make sure that you get the things that you deserve. You cannot possibly say that you want success and you go to sleep at three and wake up at noon. You cannot possible say that you want a great job but you are unsuccessful and grumpy with the one that you have. You cannot possibly want wealth if you have the same old routine and dealing with the same people. You cannot want love but you have no self love. You cannot expect to have happiness if you are holding on to gloom. It just cannot and will not work.
Life is beautiful and it can be the greatest thing if you make it. Organize your life in a way that will make you worthy. Worthiness does not just come because you say, you MUST work for it and then and only then will you receive everything that you deserve. It takes work, but once you begin to do the work and put all the steps into play, it will be second nature and it will all fall into place. It is all in your word though...all in your word.
WHAT DO YOU DESERVE?
Not sure how to find your worth? Unsure of how to organize your life?
Contact us
Email: PurePeaceLc@gmail.com
Website: www.purepeacewithlove.com
Telephone: (201)-500-7146
There was this person I knew once who worked hard all throughout school. Their grades were great, attendance was perfect and the relationship with the teachers was well formed. This person was worthy of the rewards of a successful academic career. However, due to a lack of motivation towards academics and more of drive towards romance, what they once deserved was taken away. This person chose the path that they thought was the correct one but in the end due to lack of work in both academic and romantic endeavors that person became unworthy and eventually lost both things.
It takes a considerable amount of maintenance to keep the things that we are deserving of and the desire for some of those things will eventually fade, we let them go and work towards a different set of goals. I often hear people say that they deserve success...love...marriage...happiness...etc...etc... I am in no position to say who is deserving of what. However, I do know that if you prove to be unworthy all of those things that you think you deserve will indeed fade away or never manifest themselves in your life.
Naturally we say, we want success, but do you deserve it? Are you worthy of it? Well are you putting in the work for it? You cannot possibly be worthy of success if you are not putting in the work to be successful. Ask yourself, am I getting up early enough to make it to work on time? Am I showing my boss that I am worthy of keeping my job by being on time? Once I am at work, am I a working on my tasks consistently? Am I finishing my assignments on time? Am I doing impeccable work. Be honest with yourself and see if you deserve your job...are you worthy of your job? This maybe tough to answer but you must be honest with yourself to see why your life doesn't work.
Your life can be full of worth and deserving of great things but YOU have to be focused on what it is you need to do. You can have love, you can have happiness, you can have all the success but there are things that you need to put in place in order to make sure that you get the things that you deserve. You cannot possibly say that you want success and you go to sleep at three and wake up at noon. You cannot possible say that you want a great job but you are unsuccessful and grumpy with the one that you have. You cannot possibly want wealth if you have the same old routine and dealing with the same people. You cannot want love but you have no self love. You cannot expect to have happiness if you are holding on to gloom. It just cannot and will not work.
Life is beautiful and it can be the greatest thing if you make it. Organize your life in a way that will make you worthy. Worthiness does not just come because you say, you MUST work for it and then and only then will you receive everything that you deserve. It takes work, but once you begin to do the work and put all the steps into play, it will be second nature and it will all fall into place. It is all in your word though...all in your word.
WHAT DO YOU DESERVE?
Not sure how to find your worth? Unsure of how to organize your life?
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Email: PurePeaceLc@gmail.com
Website: www.purepeacewithlove.com
Telephone: (201)-500-7146
Friday, August 6, 2010
Heal Thyself
"Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds..."
The above quote is from Mr. Robert Nesta Marley, many of us have repeated those lyrics hundreds of times over but have we really taken to heart the true meaning? This week's blog is about the mental slavery many of us having been victims of abuse at one time or another. It is about the mental blockage that we had when it came to defending ourselves from our abusers and simply saying ENOUGH. I will explore what has us stay shackled and then what was the driving force that had us leap to freedom.
In the past week I have spoken to five different people from varying economic, gender, social, and racial backgrounds and what I discovered is that abuse does not just have one face. Abuse can happen to anyone despite your circumstances. Many of these individuals said that they felt so stupid for allowing themselves to stay in an abusive situation. When I asked if a friend or family member were in a similar situation, how they'd react, they all said they would strongly advise them to get out and they themselves would want to retaliate on the abuser, yet still none of them spoke up for themselves while their abuse was occurring. The abuse that they described varied from physical, to verbal, to emotional and even psychological, it was damning to their individual psyches and they had just lost their way to a more dominant force. My question was, why? Why did you stay?
The most reoccurring answer was LOVE or what they thought was love, not realizing that love had long gone and turned into FEAR. They stayed because it wasn't always bad. They stayed because at some point, almost always in the beginning the love was the sweetest. The person that they thought they knew was Mr. Right or Ms. Right and it was so good and so right that there was nothing that this person could do that would have them have one bad thought about them...even if they were forewarned. So, what went wrong? Based on my conversations it would always start subtly, being called a name other than your own that you felt uncomfortable with, or being spoken to with a harshness that was uncalled for, or maybe a slight slap on the face or a lie that didn't need to be told. They all said that they noticed but they chalked it up to the fact that everyone gets mad periodically and truthfully they probably did something to make their partners mad anyway, so it was cool, they understood. One time turned into thirty times and thirty times turned into years of abuse that each of these individuals said that it was probably their fault because they were either too clumsy, too stupid, not quick enough, not quiet enough, not strong enough, just NOT ENOUGH. They really adopted the story I am not enough and although this situation is bad, its not too bad, it could be worse and he/she isn't always mean, so its cool. Furthermore the biggest lie they'd tell themselves is that they would never find anyone who would be with them again, so it's better to be with an abuser than to be alone. This probably doesn't sound crazy to any of you reading this, because either you or someone you know has walked down this road.
Okay, so what's next? What starts to happen is that the light you once had is now barely flickering. The people closest to you noticed a while ago but because you put up a serious front or you became extremely defensive they just left the situation alone. However, now they see that something is up and they no longer just ask what is wrong they DEMAND to know and they will not leave you alone until you answer. Due to your heightened state of trauma, you still put up a front, but it is easily pulled down when your loved one asks "Does h/she hit you?" "How has your relationship been?" "You look off." Usually this is the point where the tears begin to fall and the words just start pouring out of your mouth about your personal hell and the experience is cathartic for you because you have been silent up until now. This doesn't mean that you are home free. You still feel bad because the support you are getting is enormous and you knew it would be like this but you thought they'd judge you and leave you alone. If you've always had a strong base, you know they would never leave you alone, and that is the reality for all of the people I spoke with.
The follow up to this is that they did finally get enough strength to and courage to face their abuser. More often than not the abusers would be apologetic and a couple of the people fell into the same cycle. However in the end the biggest accomplishment was leaving because they knew the relationship was toxic and there was nothing left for them there. With the help of family and friends, they escaped. Good for them, right? Yes, but the battle is never won unless the survivors have thrown away their old way of relating to themselves as weak, abused and unlovable and really get reacquainted with themselves as whole, complete and powerful individuals. Unfortunately because many people have ran away from doing work on themselves they repeat the cycle of abuse time and again. Others find comfort in flings that last for a short time with no attachment, others attach themselves to every nice guy/girl who comes along then ultimately finds flaws in them and the list can go on with destructive behavior forever. No one can heal you, unless you heal you!
Take the time while you are single to work on you. Meditate and envision the life you want for yourself. Take long walks alone and talk to yourself if you have to and make peace with yourself. Journal or write poetry and dedicate them to yourself so you can bring that self love back into your life. Take a yoga class and concentrate on your body and your breathing. Eat food that will bring life and healthiness to your body and just find your center and your balance, for you, so that you can really say that you know yourself and you know what you want, Get comfortable with being alone, and being happy with the being that you are, create friendships that are simply just friendships and get to know peoples' stories and also share your own. Heal thyself by knowing thyself. You are the author, publisher and editor of your life. Sure your abuser had to no right to treat you that way, but you allowed it. No one has a right to disrespect you, but you can only feel disrespected if you allow it. Do you get my drift? You are in charge of your life and your body. Are you beautiful, strong, courageous and bold? Can you really say those things about yourself? At the end of the day, its just you and your body, heart and soul. You get to say who you be. Only you...
HEAL THYSELF!!!
The above quote is from Mr. Robert Nesta Marley, many of us have repeated those lyrics hundreds of times over but have we really taken to heart the true meaning? This week's blog is about the mental slavery many of us having been victims of abuse at one time or another. It is about the mental blockage that we had when it came to defending ourselves from our abusers and simply saying ENOUGH. I will explore what has us stay shackled and then what was the driving force that had us leap to freedom.
In the past week I have spoken to five different people from varying economic, gender, social, and racial backgrounds and what I discovered is that abuse does not just have one face. Abuse can happen to anyone despite your circumstances. Many of these individuals said that they felt so stupid for allowing themselves to stay in an abusive situation. When I asked if a friend or family member were in a similar situation, how they'd react, they all said they would strongly advise them to get out and they themselves would want to retaliate on the abuser, yet still none of them spoke up for themselves while their abuse was occurring. The abuse that they described varied from physical, to verbal, to emotional and even psychological, it was damning to their individual psyches and they had just lost their way to a more dominant force. My question was, why? Why did you stay?
The most reoccurring answer was LOVE or what they thought was love, not realizing that love had long gone and turned into FEAR. They stayed because it wasn't always bad. They stayed because at some point, almost always in the beginning the love was the sweetest. The person that they thought they knew was Mr. Right or Ms. Right and it was so good and so right that there was nothing that this person could do that would have them have one bad thought about them...even if they were forewarned. So, what went wrong? Based on my conversations it would always start subtly, being called a name other than your own that you felt uncomfortable with, or being spoken to with a harshness that was uncalled for, or maybe a slight slap on the face or a lie that didn't need to be told. They all said that they noticed but they chalked it up to the fact that everyone gets mad periodically and truthfully they probably did something to make their partners mad anyway, so it was cool, they understood. One time turned into thirty times and thirty times turned into years of abuse that each of these individuals said that it was probably their fault because they were either too clumsy, too stupid, not quick enough, not quiet enough, not strong enough, just NOT ENOUGH. They really adopted the story I am not enough and although this situation is bad, its not too bad, it could be worse and he/she isn't always mean, so its cool. Furthermore the biggest lie they'd tell themselves is that they would never find anyone who would be with them again, so it's better to be with an abuser than to be alone. This probably doesn't sound crazy to any of you reading this, because either you or someone you know has walked down this road.
Okay, so what's next? What starts to happen is that the light you once had is now barely flickering. The people closest to you noticed a while ago but because you put up a serious front or you became extremely defensive they just left the situation alone. However, now they see that something is up and they no longer just ask what is wrong they DEMAND to know and they will not leave you alone until you answer. Due to your heightened state of trauma, you still put up a front, but it is easily pulled down when your loved one asks "Does h/she hit you?" "How has your relationship been?" "You look off." Usually this is the point where the tears begin to fall and the words just start pouring out of your mouth about your personal hell and the experience is cathartic for you because you have been silent up until now. This doesn't mean that you are home free. You still feel bad because the support you are getting is enormous and you knew it would be like this but you thought they'd judge you and leave you alone. If you've always had a strong base, you know they would never leave you alone, and that is the reality for all of the people I spoke with.
The follow up to this is that they did finally get enough strength to and courage to face their abuser. More often than not the abusers would be apologetic and a couple of the people fell into the same cycle. However in the end the biggest accomplishment was leaving because they knew the relationship was toxic and there was nothing left for them there. With the help of family and friends, they escaped. Good for them, right? Yes, but the battle is never won unless the survivors have thrown away their old way of relating to themselves as weak, abused and unlovable and really get reacquainted with themselves as whole, complete and powerful individuals. Unfortunately because many people have ran away from doing work on themselves they repeat the cycle of abuse time and again. Others find comfort in flings that last for a short time with no attachment, others attach themselves to every nice guy/girl who comes along then ultimately finds flaws in them and the list can go on with destructive behavior forever. No one can heal you, unless you heal you!
Take the time while you are single to work on you. Meditate and envision the life you want for yourself. Take long walks alone and talk to yourself if you have to and make peace with yourself. Journal or write poetry and dedicate them to yourself so you can bring that self love back into your life. Take a yoga class and concentrate on your body and your breathing. Eat food that will bring life and healthiness to your body and just find your center and your balance, for you, so that you can really say that you know yourself and you know what you want, Get comfortable with being alone, and being happy with the being that you are, create friendships that are simply just friendships and get to know peoples' stories and also share your own. Heal thyself by knowing thyself. You are the author, publisher and editor of your life. Sure your abuser had to no right to treat you that way, but you allowed it. No one has a right to disrespect you, but you can only feel disrespected if you allow it. Do you get my drift? You are in charge of your life and your body. Are you beautiful, strong, courageous and bold? Can you really say those things about yourself? At the end of the day, its just you and your body, heart and soul. You get to say who you be. Only you...
HEAL THYSELF!!!
Friday, July 2, 2010
Why Do People Settle...In Relationships?
" I mean I love him and all but I don't really love him like that. He ain't a marrying type of dude." Says one girl to her friend on the train. " Word! I feel you cuz my man please he don't be buying me shit. At least yours be buying you stuff you need. This fool ain't worth it. But at least he can pipe." Her friend replies. Omg!!!! Overhearing that conversation was funny and sad at the same time. These girls could not have been older than seventeen (I gathered that from their school uniforms) and they already were talking about their "men" in a way that implied they were settling and staying with them for all the wrong reasons. Of course I couldn't help but wonder where they adopted this pattern.
There was a woman I was acquainted with a while back who always had the same complaint about her relationship. She wasn't happy about where her relationship was going due to their financial constraints and she disliked the fact that he still lived with the mother of his children. That story always baffled me because I couldn't understand why you would be in a relationship with someone for a decade and he still lived with his childrens' mother. A year, okay, two years, is pushing it but TEN????? Anyone else head is spinning? Her justification was that he needed to stay in the home for his daughters and it didn't matter anyway because he slept on the couch. Yes my people, this will be settling.
I told that story because my concern has always been for her daughter. Not only are you dating a man who won't sleep over at your house for a decade but he comes late and leaves early and your daughter observes this pattern. My people this is not normal nor healthy. What that young girl is learning, is that relationships are about creeping. I guess to make up for his absenteeism he would adorn the mother and daughter with Coach, Gucci and Louis bags and shoes. You would think he was handing out love and affection by the way they acted. This young girl whose father was also absent would periodically show up, give her money here and there and because she has replaced money with love she loves her daddy a great deal...well as long as that cash flow continues. Guess what though? Since daddy isn't around that often and she needs to look fly always, she now seeks love/money from men who can provide it. We all know that no one gets anything for free and especially when you have it in your head that you need cash to stay fly which will therefore make you relevant and loved, you do what you need to do. In her case, risky, unprotected sex with grown men who said I love you girl, here's x amount of dollars and she sees those cartoon dollar signs in her eyes and she does whatever she needs to do for that cash. Wow!
Is this story shocking to anyone? Sadly probably not, right? With ridiculous shows like The Real Housewives of whatever messed up city and all these shows that idolize money and not love, what are these girls to think? These girls grow into women who get very confused about their wants in relationships. They claim they want men with six figure salaries, great jobs, pushing a nice Benz, education optional and mad sexy. I know depending on the girl the criteria changes. Some women do get this and they often end up unhappy. It's like they neglect to see the bigger picture. If he is working to make a six figure salary then chances are he will be working very late nights often. So they end up settling for a very tired man who spends a lot of time at work and who wants peace and quiet when he gets home. It doesn't have to be this extreme of a case for it to be considered settling.
You can be in a relationship with a great guy but if he doesn't satisfy you in every way then why would you stay? I took a poll on my Facebook page and I gathered some interesting feedback to that question. The one answer that jumped out was a lack of something within themselves. Due to their consistent cycle of settling they know nothing else and because that's what they know it seems normal. The truth is whatever you do one place then you probably do it everywhere, right? Probably. My mind wanders to women who are involved in domestic violence situations. They know the cycle of violence is toxic but they stay. Another answer I got from my poll was fear. Due to the fact that these women are living in oppressively tough situations I can only imagine what kind of fear consumes them. What does get these warriors out of their fearful situations is when they stop settling for fear and take on self love and courage and embrace it fully.
So in conclusion I think it makes a lot of sense to check out the cycle of the parent and see how it has trickled down to the child. It is important to remember to set standards and boundaries for yourself when it comes to dating. You have to carefully watch your patterns to see if it brings you destruction or bliss. And if you see a pattern of destruction, ask yourself why do you keep repeating the same pattern? What is the pay off here? In other words what do you get to be right about in a destructive situation? Is it possible that you get to say, Men ain't shit? Or Women ain't shit? Or that you always get hurt because you are unworthy of love? That could be some answers to the pay off question. However, the more important question you want to ask is what is this costing you? The cost would be after the pay off has worn off and all you're left with is your sadness, loneliness, suffering, grief and self loathing. Imagine how that feels. So in the example I gave earlier about that young girl, her pay off is that she gets to be right about always looking fly, having money and men always wanting to be around her. However, when she observes relationships based on love, the cost is bound to be a void of that true love. A love where she has to do nothing but be herself. A love where she is accepted for her and not the amount of stuff she can do for nice things. The cost is her happiness, her innocence and her dignity. Just writing that made me hurt for her.
It all goes back to the love of self. Once your self love is magnified and really put on blast, settling will never be an option for you. Fear can also have you do crazy things. Fear and Love are polar opposites, so they cannot exist in the same place at the same time. Fear will create a need for a pay off and a cost. Love creates more love and more love and more love and more love. Who will you choose to be? What will be your aim? Fear or Love? Either way, only you are in your head at the end of the day. Take inventory.
There was a woman I was acquainted with a while back who always had the same complaint about her relationship. She wasn't happy about where her relationship was going due to their financial constraints and she disliked the fact that he still lived with the mother of his children. That story always baffled me because I couldn't understand why you would be in a relationship with someone for a decade and he still lived with his childrens' mother. A year, okay, two years, is pushing it but TEN????? Anyone else head is spinning? Her justification was that he needed to stay in the home for his daughters and it didn't matter anyway because he slept on the couch. Yes my people, this will be settling.
I told that story because my concern has always been for her daughter. Not only are you dating a man who won't sleep over at your house for a decade but he comes late and leaves early and your daughter observes this pattern. My people this is not normal nor healthy. What that young girl is learning, is that relationships are about creeping. I guess to make up for his absenteeism he would adorn the mother and daughter with Coach, Gucci and Louis bags and shoes. You would think he was handing out love and affection by the way they acted. This young girl whose father was also absent would periodically show up, give her money here and there and because she has replaced money with love she loves her daddy a great deal...well as long as that cash flow continues. Guess what though? Since daddy isn't around that often and she needs to look fly always, she now seeks love/money from men who can provide it. We all know that no one gets anything for free and especially when you have it in your head that you need cash to stay fly which will therefore make you relevant and loved, you do what you need to do. In her case, risky, unprotected sex with grown men who said I love you girl, here's x amount of dollars and she sees those cartoon dollar signs in her eyes and she does whatever she needs to do for that cash. Wow!
Is this story shocking to anyone? Sadly probably not, right? With ridiculous shows like The Real Housewives of whatever messed up city and all these shows that idolize money and not love, what are these girls to think? These girls grow into women who get very confused about their wants in relationships. They claim they want men with six figure salaries, great jobs, pushing a nice Benz, education optional and mad sexy. I know depending on the girl the criteria changes. Some women do get this and they often end up unhappy. It's like they neglect to see the bigger picture. If he is working to make a six figure salary then chances are he will be working very late nights often. So they end up settling for a very tired man who spends a lot of time at work and who wants peace and quiet when he gets home. It doesn't have to be this extreme of a case for it to be considered settling.
You can be in a relationship with a great guy but if he doesn't satisfy you in every way then why would you stay? I took a poll on my Facebook page and I gathered some interesting feedback to that question. The one answer that jumped out was a lack of something within themselves. Due to their consistent cycle of settling they know nothing else and because that's what they know it seems normal. The truth is whatever you do one place then you probably do it everywhere, right? Probably. My mind wanders to women who are involved in domestic violence situations. They know the cycle of violence is toxic but they stay. Another answer I got from my poll was fear. Due to the fact that these women are living in oppressively tough situations I can only imagine what kind of fear consumes them. What does get these warriors out of their fearful situations is when they stop settling for fear and take on self love and courage and embrace it fully.
So in conclusion I think it makes a lot of sense to check out the cycle of the parent and see how it has trickled down to the child. It is important to remember to set standards and boundaries for yourself when it comes to dating. You have to carefully watch your patterns to see if it brings you destruction or bliss. And if you see a pattern of destruction, ask yourself why do you keep repeating the same pattern? What is the pay off here? In other words what do you get to be right about in a destructive situation? Is it possible that you get to say, Men ain't shit? Or Women ain't shit? Or that you always get hurt because you are unworthy of love? That could be some answers to the pay off question. However, the more important question you want to ask is what is this costing you? The cost would be after the pay off has worn off and all you're left with is your sadness, loneliness, suffering, grief and self loathing. Imagine how that feels. So in the example I gave earlier about that young girl, her pay off is that she gets to be right about always looking fly, having money and men always wanting to be around her. However, when she observes relationships based on love, the cost is bound to be a void of that true love. A love where she has to do nothing but be herself. A love where she is accepted for her and not the amount of stuff she can do for nice things. The cost is her happiness, her innocence and her dignity. Just writing that made me hurt for her.
It all goes back to the love of self. Once your self love is magnified and really put on blast, settling will never be an option for you. Fear can also have you do crazy things. Fear and Love are polar opposites, so they cannot exist in the same place at the same time. Fear will create a need for a pay off and a cost. Love creates more love and more love and more love and more love. Who will you choose to be? What will be your aim? Fear or Love? Either way, only you are in your head at the end of the day. Take inventory.
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