Friday, July 30, 2010

Say What You Got to Say

Why do we resist saying what we really want to say?

So, I’m wondering: why do we as people, seem to resist saying what we really want to say? I’m sure at one point or another, we have all been there. Whether in your personal life or your career, you have found yourself at a juncture where you’ve decided NOT to say what you wanted to say. Or insisted on saying what you thought the person wanted to hear. We have all let our egos, fear and even judgments keep us from speaking up or speaking out. For instance, have you ever resisted telling a friend you were disappointed in them? Missed someone you continue to neglect to call? Have you ever wanted to be held by someone you were afraid to admit you needed? Or watched someone be disrespectful to another individual without speaking up?

Why do you think we do this? Is it our desire to conform socially and need to have others ‘like us’? Is it the fact that we fear the others reaction? Are we avoiding confrontation? Are we being too ‘nice’ and resisting telling others of the ugly behavior we’re observing? Do we convince ourselves we ‘just don’t care’ about the outcome, situation, or individual? Why do we resist telling others when they have hurt us? Or request a hug or word of encouragement during a moment of struggle? Why don’t we ask our parents the answers to questions that have bugged us since childhood? Or tell our friend the impact their absence has had on our lives? Why not share?

I think we don’t speak up because we fear. We fear social isolation or the loss of our relationships. As human beings we have an innate desire to belong and be loved. Our desire to cover our base needs creates in us the desire to preserve what we’ve obtained. Whether or not the relationships are healthy or serve us any longer, we hold on to them. We also fear change. We fear the unknown and hold onto the familiar tooth and nail. Why not share with the ones we love? Why don’t we say what we truly feel, share from our hearts, from that vulnerable place inside of us all? Fear! Fear stops us. While I get it, I have had my own experiences of it, and can empathize with others struggling to work through their fear, I say take the next step anyway. I say walk through the fear, not away from what scares you. What is the worst that can happen? In the end we are all much stronger than we give ourselves credit for. And once you have stood and faced your fears, you realize just how fantastic and resilient you are. In the end, allowing for vulnerability in the face of fear, takes true bravery. Why not be courageous and optimistic, and go for it!

Here is what I propose. Let’s stop acting like conversations will kill us. Let’s stop running from our true feelings, and allow ourselves to be vulnerable with those around us. Let’s bring the heart, soul and love back to communication. If you have been missing someone, go call them please. If you have unfinished business with someone dear to you, go have that conversation. If there is a situation at work that is affecting your happiness, please go talk to the person who can do something about it. Having trouble with a co worker, then invite them to lunch and hash things out. Whatever it is that is on your chest, that has been weighing on you, consuming your thoughts, causing you stress, release it. Have a conversation not only with yourself, but the other person at stake. We are all one. I am you and you are me. The division we create between us isn’t real, its self created, it’s a machine, a lie we’ve bought into and now perpetuate. Let’s talk. Let’s talk like we understand that there is no real division. Let’s have those conversations and remember we are not so different from one another. Our individual perspectives don’t separate us nor define us. Love is what defines us as human beings. Let’s remember the love, get related, and talk.

I’m sure many of us have someone, even if it’s just one person, whom we owe that phone call. Well, Go Call!! Let’s talk. Let’s talk while we still have the opportunity to have the conversation. Let’s talk before we let too much time and distance erode the ties that bind us. Let’s talk because we still have time to create change and promote growth. Let’s talk now, with love in our hearts and pure peace on our minds.


  1. When you make the call to speak with love it takes the other to be present mentally and/or physically. Does this mean you can't rest until the other decides to become available? How long should you wait to heal if one chooses not to answer? Ring, ring, answer again by choice. Time heals all wounds but is it a healthy healing?

  2. It means that you can rest Dana. You must know that you are coming form love and light and if you know that, then you must be at peace with that choice. You cannot make folks see your perspective, however if it is from a place of love....then that's all the peace you need.