Wednesday, August 29, 2012

When The Weight Is Too Heavy

Weight is a sensitive topic for many, myself included. When we discuss weight in America it's usually broken down in the context of fat is bad, lazy, wrong and ugly. While thin is beautiful, healthy, active and right. Wow, do you know what does to the self esteem of millions of women everyday? We have the big girls developing all kinds of disorders and self loathing acts to get thin and the thin girls also developing all kinds of disorders and self loathing acts to to stay thin. All of that for what?

I think it's a great thing to be aware of what goes into your body. Your body is your temple, your shrine, you only get one and you should care what goes into it. Sometimes you'll want ice cream, cookies, chips, dip, chocolate, fries, candy, pizza annnnnnnnnnnnd pickles. Yup, all at once. When you see that development you don't just give into ALL of those desires and observe your thoughts. What the heck? Why am I wanting to eat all of this unhealthy stuff at once? I've never heard anyone say "Gosh, I'm sooooo craving that amazing salad." let's be real not all healthy food is going to be appealing however you have to find ways that will make the food that's good for you appealing and the junk should be phased out little by little. It will be something you'd soon want to do once you do start eating healthier because your body will react badly to the junk. Your body will reject the food that isn't good for you after a while and you'll be well on your way to healthy eating. Yaaaaay!!!!!!!!!!!

Let me tell you though, this eating healthy business doesn't happen overnight. Nope. Before you get there you need to figure out how you got to the weight you are now to begin with. Why are you overweight or obese? Why do you choose junk vs healthy food? Why do you choose to sleep and watch TV as opposed to going outside for a run? Why? Let's dig. Ask yourself, when did food become a hiding place and comfort zone? What triggered that reaction to over eat? What made you choose a life of inactivity vs one of activity and vigor? What thoughts did you have? How old were you when you started having those thoughts?

Being overweight has a lot to do with inactivity but it also has a lot to do with emotions. Many people, especially women who are overweight or obese have had some kind of mental, emotional, physical or sexual abuse happen to them and it was never discussed. Many women turn to food as a comfort when they are dealing with trauma. Food let's off endorphins that tells us that we are happy, safe and protected right in our little food comas. We may not medicate with pills but we sure do medicate with food

Many people make resolutions at the beginning of the year, vowing to lose weight. Yes!!!!! This is my year!!!!!! This is my transformation. I'm going to lose 80 lbs in four months. Yea!!!!! I am readddddddy!!!!!!!!!!!! By February 1st most ppl have been off their plans for at least two weeks. Know why? So many people make their resolutions but they don't even get to the source of why they want to transform this issue. Why? Are you doing it for someone else? To fit it? To please someone? For you? Why for you? What's your goal? What will weight loss do for you? Why is it important to you? What will losing weight mean for your life? What if you fail? Then what? What happens if you don't hit your goal by the time you said you would? What do you do? Who is holding you accountable? Do your loved ones know what you're up to? Do you have cheerleaders? Do you have a coach? A journal? A plan? Anything?

My people the weight of weight becomes too much when we don't even know how we got there. One minute you had your weight managed and all of a sudden you can't see your toes. Or maybe your weight has never been managed and you finally want to get to the bottom it. All of these reasons are why you should be on my FREE coaching call tomorrow night (8/30/12 @8PM) Get on and hear women share their stories, share yours and see what's possible for you. If you're interested then sign up for my weight loss coaching program and really dismantle your weight issues for good. My door is always open. All you have to do is walk in.

Tahira West

When Pillars Crumble

Who champions the person who champions everyone else? Who holds up a pillar that wants to crumble? Who supports the supporter? These are the questions that I have asked myself when I was down, out and looking for someone to be in my corner but couldn't see anyone. Now, let me say, that just because I did not see anyone, it doesn't mean that no one was there. It doesn't really make any sense for a healer to heal everyone but be broken themselves. It doesn't work and it is inauthentic. To truly be a healer and a champion of people, the healer must know thyself well enough to heal thyself.  How does that become a reality? Look within. Self analysis and self healing should be at the core of anyone who works with people. Also, another HUGE component is that every healer needs someone that they can go to in order to release. A part of self analysis is knowing when to reach out.

Most of my clients are women who are strong, independent, moms, executives or in a role where they are the primary go to person in  every situation. These women champion people every day. They work hard, and very seldom find any time to play or even rest sometimes. These women work tirelessly. They work through illness, depression, frustration and loneliness all with a bright smile. That is not a foreign scene in communities where women are at the core of keeping everything together. We witness strong smiles but seldom do we see the tears of pain and isolation that are cried in bed and alone. We don't see these women fall apart in the face of worry, anxiety or stress, we see smiles, and we hear them say yes even when do not have to energy to truly help, but they help anyway. Who champions these women? Who can, if they won't let anyone in though? I have watched my mom work hard, go from job to job and still come home and get a million things done. However, I do not witness satisfaction, joy or bliss when she tired like that but there are no complaints. The thing is though, I do not know my mom to talk about her burdens, pains or heartaches... I never heard her talk about those things, nor any of the women in my family. They just push through their pain. Is that safe though? Is that okay?

It isn't. It isn't okay nor safe to be dealing with stress and not talk about it. It isn't safe to be dealing with a tremendous amount of heartache only to suppress it. What ends up happening is that the smile will eventually fade and turn to a grimace. The sunshine will eventually set and to those looking on they won't overstand the shift because to them it would seem sudden, not knowing the pain that had been brewing for years, maybe decades.Women of color are taught to just deal with their issues silently. Speaking to professionals about our issues is often looked upon as taboo, weird or things that white people do.However, at the core we all hurt and we all want to be loved. Somewhere down the line we get a hard disappointment and we don't talk about it, so we tattoo that pain on our souls and we judge every situation, person and lesson by that one disappointment. We collect disappointments like trophies in our communities and we let them stack up and we wear that pain around our bellies, on our shoulders and  in our thighs. We put the disappointments into our cooking, the way we speak to our children and how we live our lives. We become overweight, scared, safe, shut down, paranoid, angry, bitter but strong. Is that kind of strength really worth it? I am going to take a stand and say NO!

We all need someone in our corner. The best of us have coaches, Jordan, Woods, Williams, Bolt, Jeter and countless others. We all need someone who we can go to so that we can vent, communicate pain and receive advice or in my case coaching. Being strong is knowing when to ask for support. Being strong is breaking your silence when you realize that it is killing you slowly. Being strong is talking out your issues with a professional as opposed to taking your frustration out on your children. Being strong is knowing when to simply say "I need help." This is where I come in, that's my job. My job is to champion those who champion others. My job is to heal those whose wounds go so deep that  they began to accept them as a part of their lives. My job is to help people live the life they want and not just the life they think that they have to live. My job is to help you transform your life into love. Allow me to do my job while you rest from doing yours.

Tahira West
Pure Peace Life Coaching