A NEW YEAR...A NEW YOU...REALLY?

Why do people always state at the beginning of every year that this is their year? What were you doing in the previous year that had you NOT make it your year? Come on people, what are you waiting for to take control of your life?

New Year's Resolutions are so cliche and all of you know it. If you had a weak follow through in the previous year what makes you think that you will be able to organize yourself to follow through this year? Did you imagine yourself being where you are ten years ago? What have you accomplished? What do you have to show for your life up to this point? If the answers to any of these questions bother you then perhaps its time you start living the life that you want.

Set realistic goals for yourself. If you know you have to go on a diet please DO NOT try to lose fifty pounds in a month. Not every diet works for everyone. Also, just because you saw it on tv it does not mean it is right for YOU. Ask yourself why are you losing this weight? If the answer has NOTHING to do with your own happiness then squash that plan quick.

Secondly, team work is awesome. Enroll your closest friends to support you with your goals. Tell people so that when you know you are gonna slip you have a crew of people around you to catch you before you fall.

If you mess up on one of your goals it's okay. Don't beat yourself up please. Start over!!!!!!! Get back on the horse and do not stay down. Again, utilize the people around you, that's what they are there for.

People, don't wait for 2011to be the year where all of your dreams come true. The key to long lasting success is resilience and integrity. If you have integrity in your life you can never fail. Honor your word as it is golden, sacred and bond. If you don't honor your word, then you don't honor yourself and as a result you do not and will not honor others. Now, integrity matched with resilience is a fool proof plan. Keep on keeping on and DO NOT let your circumstances get in the way of your goals. Circumstances will always arise, but that's all they are. Who will you be in the face of it? A sucker or a kick ass grinder. Step up or get left back.

I Love You But I LOVE ME MORE

I often wonder what people mean when they say that they love someone more than themselves. I wouldn't want someone to love me more than they love themselves because that love must certainly be questionable. Loving oneself is the greatest gift you can ever give yourself. Loving yourself frees you from tolerating nonsense and standing up for yourself. Loving yourself allows you to be real with yourself and others without hesitation even if it means loving the people from a distance.

This year was one that changed my life forever. I got married, had my first child, started my own company and let go of two people who I was once very close to. I am not ashamed to say that I love these two people but life has taken us to separate life journeys. I have no problem moving away from friendships that are no longer age appropriate nor mentally fulfilling. I can't speak for them but having a child has opened my eyes to the kind of people I want in my life and the people that I don't. It's as simple as that. I hold no hard feelings, no malice, no harm intended but some people I choose to love from a distance and that is okay with me.

How many times have people made you feel guilty for making a choice that's best for you but not necessarily best for them? They can feel however they want but YOU have to remember that you're the star player in your life and you must look out for your best interest. Whether it's choosing to leave a relationship, friendship or job if you're not happy you have to make the move that will allow your bliss to flow. Staying in any situation that makes you unhappy or uncomfortable cannot possibly end well. Neither party appreciates being jerked around, and as much as parting ways may hurt at the time it is probably best for everyone. Keep in mind that people get hurt and they will say things from that place that are truthful for them. I was told that my love is conditional, I make rules but don't play by them, I'm a hypocrite, I don't really know what love is and plenty more. What I've taken away from those opinions is that they are just that, opinions. Did they hurt? Yes! Was I upset? Yes! Did I vent about it? Yes! Did it break me? No!!!! Hell no!! What it did was allow me to take a look at myself from their point of view. I admit that I have a way about me that can occur as cold and unwilling to check myself if you're looking for it to be like that. However, what is the truth and what will never change is that I love my friends dearly and I will do anything for them. However, once I evaluate a friendship and it seems one sided or something is gone that cannot be replaced nor retrieved I bow out. I bow out in peace and wish them the best. Contrary to their beliefs I'm very critical of myself and I take a long hard meditation to fully grasp the situation. Things don't always go the way I want them to, I don't always say things with the most amount of compassion but the love is always there. Always!!

I shared about me so openly because there is freedom in it. I love myself and I love the person I have become and I'm never afraid to say that. I hope all my readers will also do the same by facing yourself and not being afraid to discover the parts of yourself that need polishing but you love you anyway. If you guys can practice loving yourself, flaws and all you'll have an easier time walking away from situations that you no longer want to be a part of. I'll say it again, you have to love you more than you love anyone else in order to be a truly unconditional lover. We only have one life to live and to love. Why would you want to waste it being miserable and uncomfortable? We shouldn't. Love others but love you more.


Want practice in loving yourself?

Call me: (201) 500-7146
Email me: PurePeaceLC@gmail.com
Visit my website: www.purepeacewithlove.com

ENOUGH!!!!!!

"Love will never hurt. Love won't hurt you with hands, words or deeds. If you feel pain and you think that you have to stick it out because of love, you are taking love away from yourself. Love heals, love builds, love comforts, love brings you to honesty, love brings you to a place of peace. Anytime pain is introduced,... that is the absence of love. Take care of yourself."

                                                              ---- Tahira West-Sylvan

When is it time to say enough? I am through! I have had it! I am leaving and I am not coming back! The answer is anytime. Anytime you want to say enough is when you say it. Will you? Now that is a different matter all together.

I had to explore why people stay so long in situations that they dislike. Of course in order to get a reasonable answer I had to look at myself. Why do I tolerate certain situations for a long time before I say enough? I think as a child I never really told. I didn't tell on my friends or my cousins when they did something bad, I just watched. As an adult that has gotten me into situations that could have been avoided had I put my foot down and said ENOUGH but I just tolerate the nonsense. Finally I said to myself, I am worth so much more than taking someone's shit. I am worth more than anyone's short comings, I am worth more than having to take someone's shit because they feel badly about themselves. I AM NO ONE'S PUNCHING BAG, physically or emotionally.

So for my readers I ask, why do you take someone's crap? Why do you let them abuse you because they feel bad about them? What's that about? Could it be that you stay because you think that is what love is. Could it be that you think that you have to endure and suffer to say that you have love? Could it be that without that kind of pain you don't feel valid? There could be a series of things and YOU have to find what it is. I encourage and urge you to become so deeply invested in yourself that you will feel like you are in love all over again. What does that kind of love look like? Well for starters, you put your foot down and say ENOUGH. Don't just say enough and bluff but say enough and walk away. Take a day, a week, a month, whatever it takes to get back to you. Fall in love with yourself again by reminding yourself that you are your number one. You have to remember why you are wonderful, beautiful and worthy of all things good. Take long walks with yourself, talk to yourself, pamper yourself. All of those things are wonderful but none of them will matter until you can FORGIVE YOURSELF and MASTER YOUR THOUGHTS.

Forgive yourself for allowing you to be abused, mistreated and for not standing up for yourself. Forgive yourself for straying far away from who you are and for forgetting to lift yourself up everyday. You forgive yourself and then you stuff yourself with beautiful thoughts. You design what you want your life to look like, figure out what your life needs and flood yourself with ways to getting what you need. Just as simply as you allowed yourself to get lost, and tell yourself lies....well its is just as simple to find yourself and be real with you. Be real YOU! Find You!  Love you! Invest in you!

I understand that I didn't provide you with the easiest concepts in the world here but I am willing to work with you. This blog is a guide but my coaching is transformational. You need support finding yourself? You need support saying ENOUGH? Reach out to me, the realest and most compassionate life coach.

Email: Purepeacelc@gmail.com
Phone: 201-500-7146
Website: www.purepeacewithlove.com

Punishment by Yelling and Beating = Resentment and Thoughts of Suicide

I am compelled to write about something that has moved me deeply over the past 24 hours. It's something I witnessed and something I have experienced. I'm not sure what exactly had me be moved to tears but what I do know is that the intense and unmistakable feeling of hurt and resentment has bubbled to the surface.

I find it humiliating and disrespectful to yell at your child for more than one minute. Actually I don't think yelling at your child is reasonable at all. I can understand if it's done out of fear like "Don't cross the street." or "Don't touch that" or " Be careful" because those exclamations are expressed out of sheer terror. Those things are said when you believe your child is in danger and you want to demand their immediate attention. Those warnings are usually followed up with breathless kisses and sighs and perhaps sobs just thanking God that your child is okay. I'm sure a talk with your child about why you acted that way follows and soon everything is all good again. Happy ending.

Now the kind of yelling I am talking about is that put down, extra loud, in front of people, hurt your feelings and don't care, obnoxious, never ending, telling everybody kind of yelling that most Caribbean mothers choose to engage in, at least my mother anyway. I have looked for reasoning in this behavior to find the benefits of it and I've come up with none. That type of yelling digs into ones soul and scratches out every bit of ease, bliss and self expression because you are forced to listen, you cannot talk back and if it's often enough you begin to truly believe everything that person is saying. The irony about that whole thing is that they blame the child for raising their blood pressure, for making them talk too much, for giving them stress but in fact we just want them to shut the fuck up. And yea....I mean that.

I've learned that my mother will yell for small things and big things alike and instead of staying on the topic of the original offense it will turn into everything I've ever done wrong, did wrong, will do wrong and I had to hear all about it. Again, what was the benefit of that? It didn't make me want to stop what I was doing. It wasn't helpful because I was seldom ever asked what I was feeling, going through or dealing with and once the yelling was over I felt far worse that I did prior to her opening her mouth. This kind of interaction was present throughout most of my teenage years. The thought of doing something or not doing something made me cringe because it seemed as though anything that I did was a reason for her not to just yell but berate me. Unlike most of my high school peers I never ever drank or smoked in high school. I told my mother this numerous times but for some reason she insisted on accusing me of smoking marijuana on a consistent basis and making me know what she thought every second she got.

This interaction created a tough armor around my spirit and heart. Coupled with excessive yelling came hitting as well. I just managed to get by by excessive tear filled nights, dozens of tears cried through black ink on blue lines in black and white marble notebooks and a bright smile to mask the intense amount of pain I felt all the time. Although I had tons of friends I was lonely. Alone because I felt that perhaps I deserved all the things she would say. Alone because no one would understand or care to understand. So I chose bright smiles, to mask crying myself to sleep nightly, tons of friends to mask my absolute depth of loneliness and poetry to save me from suicide.

I promise you I was no saint. I promise you that I did stuff wrong. I promise you there are times I could have been better but I promise you that I didn't deserve to feel like I didn't matter. I didn't deserve to be punished repeatedly because that's all my mother knew. No it just didn't work. So why say all of this? I heard my cousin say that when he leaves his mother's house she will never see him again. I wanted to cry because I knew why. I knew that he was dealing with wanting to go as far away ad possible from a place that has brought you so much pain. It didn't matter if he was going to have money, food or shelter but the thought of being somewhere, anywhere but here made him happy. I did that. I left a rent free home, with free food, free cable, free everything except the freedom to be me. Except the freedom to be me without being ridiculed, yelled at, berated, accused, hit and scrutinized. None of that other free shit was worth it. I left.

When I left I was never going to return. Never. I was willing to never see my mother again because she just didn't make me feel good. Eventually, with time my anger subsided. I became less jaded, less resentful and I was okay. I had become okay because I took a long, long, long, long time to find me. After being hurt and hurting for so long I needed to find out what felt good to me. I needed to find out how I could create a me that would be strong, resilient and happy. With a combination of teaching, mentoring and doing the Landmark Forum I found me and I was able to just be happy with me and get that no matter who has something to say about me, I can only be me. Just me.

Although I have found myself I still have some resentment about my mother's way of punishment. It bothers me because that's how she is but she can't see and refuses to see how her way almost drove me to suicide. She killed my spirit so deeply that I used to pray to die. I used to wish I would be killed because I would have rather been dead than to deal with the way she would make me feel. The difference now is that I am alive. I am well and there's nothing that she can say that can destroy me like she used to. I love my mother. I'm sure she didn't know what she was doing. She was doing what she knows and what she sees as effective punishment. She's doing what was done to her. However that cycle ends with me. Some of you may agree and others won't. In the end this is my story of how I survived a Caribbean punishment and how poetry saved my life.

DISCLAIMER: Now I do not want to portray this like she was a bad mother. I had everything I needed as far as the necessities went. I get that this was her way of showing love and concern, but her way FAILED!She did her best. She didn't have the deepest pockets, she worked hard, she raised me alone, she sacrificed and worked very hard for me. She went all out as far as providing me with the essentials like I said, but the tough love, and lack of emotions really did not land well with me. My mom is a great woman, she really is...her methods, not so much.

Comfort in Chubby

Writing from a place of coaching is easy for me, because in order to coach I have to be real with myself. I have to deal with my own issues around life issues in order to be an effective coach. This topic is one of those issues that has been a part of my life for a while and I now feel comfortable talking about it.

I have many friends who have been battling chubbiness. Their weight goes up and down, but in general up and they hate it. I have my own issues with my weight, I say I have a desire to lose it, I watch my weight for a moment, then I stop. I start a fun kickboxing class, then stop and finally I had to look into myself to see why I keep sabotaging my weight loss. Why do I say I want to lose weight but refuse to take actions consistent with that? Well, the answer may surprise you, I find major comfort in being chubby. Comfort? How could I be comfortable? The truth is that the attention that comes along with being slim freaks me out. Yes!!! I have a fear and a paranoia about be physically harmed, and my logic is that no one is going to mess with a chubby girl but skinny girls get kidnapped and harmed all the time. Crazy? Maybe, but a real fear of mine.

Now that I am aware of what the sabotage is about, I have taken several steps to manage my weight. I certainly eat smaller portions, I take short walks with my daughter daily and I don't eat just because.  Doing that alone has allowed me to lose eighteen pounds since the birth of my baby a little less than a month ago. However, the biggest difference is that I have actually shared this with my husband. It is important for me to share things, because then I can hear myself say them and get real about what I need to do. The bigger issue is indeed the crazy paranoia. How to deal with the paranoia? Talk it out, and always remember that it is not real, there is no room for physical harm and kidnapping in my world, and it is NOT  a reason to not lose weight. It just isn't.

There are a couple things occurring here. Sabotaging one's weight loss, an intense and paralyzing paranoia but combating both things with communication. Many of you who have wanted to lose weight have a similar story about sabotage. Diets that fail, workouts that fail, plans that fail and if you lost any weight at all, you gained it all back and some because you think that because you've failed anyway, it won't matter. When you give up on your plan to lose weight, you give up on your health and on yourself. You have to first be clear for whom are you losing this weight? If you know that the weight loss is not for you, do not do it. If the weight loss is for you, don't focus so much on the long term goal, but really take it day by day. Literally, day by day give yourself a pep talk, check in with yourself, how are you feeling? How is your day going to go? Remind yourself that today is a new day, a new you and you will succeed at your goals because you declared it. Once you check in with you, then you need to check it with someone you trust to get you through your day. Someone who will support you when you begin to slip and slide down the slippery slope that we call quitting. Have them remind you why you are doing this and gently ask you some questions that will get you present to your goals. Once you manage to do this daily, maintain a balanced diet, exercise to your comfort and the daily pep talks with yourself and your partner, you will have recognizable results in no time.

My paranoia stems from too much Law &Order SVU...truly. I love the show, and I cannot help but watch the marathons on TV, but it has definitely increased my fear of being assaulted. What am I going to do about it? Take myself right back to a kickboxing class, so I can be a walking weapon. I am not committed to fear, nor hiding so I will take my life in my hands and properly prepare myself for anything that comes my way. However, due to the fact that I am committed to love, and loving everyone all the time I am pretty sure no harm will come my way in any event.

How to lose weight the Pure Peace way:

1. Why do you want to lose weight? (List all your reasons why)
2. What obstacles are in your way around weight loss? (List all reasons why)
3. Realize that your obstacles are just obstacles and they can cease to exist the moment you say ENOUGH
4. Write a mantra that you will recite daily to remind yourself why you are losing weight
5. Recruit two to three people who will be your cheerleaders. The role of these people is to support you with   your goal and to motivate you when you do not want to continue.

Have fun...enjoy your process, enjoy your steps. If you want more details about this please do not hesitate to reach out.

Tahira West-Sylvan
PurePeaceLc@Gmail.com
201-500-7146
www.purepeacewithlove.com









             

Coping with Loss

This week's blog is dedicated to my grandfather Vernon Doc Sylvester Sr. who passed away on Nov 9th 2010. He an outstanding man, father, grandfather, husband, uncle and person all around. He will be laid to rest today. He will be missed.

I now feel like a certified officiando on loss because I have encountered more than I would like to admit. My grand mother died when I was eight years old, and although I was sad, I didn't feel the full extent of the impact. So when I was twenty years old and two friends of mine died three weeks apart I thought my heart and head was going to explode. I don't think I was coping with their loss, I was just in the midst of sadness and memories and just riddled with a numbing pain that just had me want to shut down. I was so angry because these two young men were so awesome, how could GOD take them? How? It was not fair. Two years later as I was getting over the loss of my friends, my cousin Vaughn was killed in a tragic car crash. I will not go into details but he had a three year old daughter at the time and his wife was pregnant. Talk about unfair. My cousins on my dad's side were my first friends and basically siblings....when Vaughn died we all mourned as a collective. We had lost a sibling, we had lost a piece of our tight link and that impact has left a big hole in my heart, only to be filled with memories of an earlier time.

This time I was going to deal with my cousin's loss and deal with it powerfully. I am a poet and I cry through words very often. I cry through my words and I realize that I am okay once I purge those words out. I have written several poem for Vaughn and i speak to him openly often, it helps me deal with the fact that he is not here but he can hear me wherever he is. Now, as my grandfather has left this earth I have yet to breakdown...and I am not sure if I am going to breakdown either. I have dealt with his death through poetry and also talking to him out loud. I am coping with his death by talking about him with my family, speaking about him to my daughter when I am feeding her and recreating him for my husband who did not have an opportunity to meet him. His body is gone, that is a fact. His smell, smile, moment of sleeping and waking and sickness is gone, but his memory and legacy lives.

How would I coach a client on loss? I would say be with your emotions. We have some people who are naturally the strong one and they feel as though they have to be the strong one by controlling their emotions. They are the ones who want to cry but do not let it get more than a lump in their throat,even when they are alone. We have our dramatic criers who cry enough for the strong one and everyone else. They cry, and cry and cry and they don't care how loud of for how long....that's what you call just being with it. The dramatic crier doesn't care about looking good or holding it together, they are crying out of pain and that pain has them let it all out. I would suggest not fighting your emotions or fighting your pain and just being in the presence of it. Be with your sadness, talk it out, get with people who share the same loss and purge it out. You should write down your feelings, talk about them, make a scrap book, put your loss into something positive that will allow you to have a beautiful memory of that person.

In the end, your loss is yours. You can lose the same person as your sisters, cousins, whomever but at the end of the day, that loss and how you cope with it is unique to you. Do not let anyone dictate how you should feel, how you should be or tell you that you're not doing it right. There is no right way. However, there is a healthy way to be with loss. If you find yourself hindered, losing touch with what's real and being a detriment to yourself by not taking care of you, then you are not coping, but hiding from coping. If you find yourself grieving excessively and none of your goals are being accomplished, then you are hiding.If your world is gloom and grief and in every conversation you have you MUST discuss this loss, then you are also not coping. If you attribute every thing in your current life with the loss of this person, then you are NOT coping.

The biggest thing to remember here is that we still have life. There is a life that we are put here to live and I am pretty sure that our loved ones will want us to keep living. We do not cease to live because our loved ones have died, but we breathe life into their memories and we allow ourselves to feel their presence, be with their legacy and honor them by doing our best. We honor them by being blissful, happy, taking charge of life and being productive. You should deal with loss in a group if you can, and just say all that needs to be said, however you MUST continue to live. You must continue to have life and do all that you would have done as though they were still here. You should never use the dead as an excuse to check out of life and a reason for you to be a zombie...it does not sufficiently honor their memory. If you find yourself struggling more than you can handle, then you reach out. You find a grief group, you go to therapy, do what you need to do to be better and to get better because being riddled with gloom and grief is not healthy. It just isn't.

I write this blog with my family in mind. We will get through this and we will come out stronger. We are all connected through love and there is nothing greater than that.


In Memory of my grandfather...DANCE WITH MY FATHER

Black Girl Pain (For Wombyn of Color)

This is my review and reception of Tyler Perry's For Colored Girls.

Umm Hmm

Yes my sistas

This movie had me exhaling like I was waiting for Whitney, Angela, and Lela

To join Juantia as she kicked him out for the last time

Yes my sistas

Those of you who have been raped

By

Daddy

Uncle

Cousin

Stepdaddy

Neighbour

Cousin

Friend

Lover

This is for you

This is for you

Who have grieved in silence

Making to be felt slutty

For being the survivor

Of a crime

Committed against sistas across the globe

From Alberquerque to The Congo

From Brooklyn to Sudan

From Trinidad to Chile

From your own home

To a gang rape

This is for you

No shame!!!

This is for you whose mama deserted you

And so called boyfriend

Didn't want you to have it

Didn't want that child that could be

A beautiful braniac

But unlike Ms. Hill you didn't get to keep Zion

You were forced to spread ya legs

On a dirty bed

And convince yourself

That the seed growing inside of you

Had to die

In order for you to survive

But you die anyway

Because you killed your chance

At a do over

Killed your chance at life

That day two souls died

Yes sistas this is for you

This is for you sista who was betrayed

By the man who said he loved you

He said that he cared for you like he cared for his momma

Who he put in a nursing home

And hadn't seen since

He says he loves you to death

And he means it

As he sleeps around town

Not covering his pride

But going raw

Into someone who isn't you

He spreads his pride and widens his grin

As he lies through his teeth

And says it work

So where do you work

That causes me to feel ill?

Everytime you come home you smell of someone other than me....

You're always sorry

Yes you're sorry

And sorry is what you'll always be

Sistas this too is for you

This is especially for you sista who say you got no pain

You're a G

A female pimp

Cuz you got men figured out

Fuck em and leave em

That's how they do us

That's how they pimp us out

And use us till we are dry

We fuck em and leave em

I was only after his wallet anyway

I can see in your eyes that you're tired

Of sleeping around

Lustily getting it in

But painfully craving a loving relationship

That you're scared to admit

Because the risk of being that vulnerable again

Will kill you

You can't handle dying like that anymore

So you become a lady of the night

Secretly awaiting Mr. Right

Sista this is for you

Yes this is true to life

A story about black girl pain

Deeper than the watery graves of our ancestors in the mid Atlantic

This is sharper

Than birth pains

In cotton fields

In Mississippi

In the middle of a humid night

Darker than hot blood

Dripping down the legs

Of that eight year old

Spread open

By the rapist she calls dad

Yes my sistas this is the pain

And the healing

All wrapped into one

And if you have to ask how

Then perhaps you should ask

Your....

Mama

Sister

Cousin

Auntie

Best friend

Sista

Let them tell you bout that Black Girl Pain

It's no joke!

For Wombyn of Color everywhere.

Black Girl Pain by Talib Kweli feat. Jean Grae

The Will To Succeed!!!

I noticed that whenever I was close to a breakthrough (breakthrough: An action that will leave you transformed and completely unrecognizable to yourself) I would pull myself back and stop. I had gotten used to running gradually in my boot camp/kickboxing class, we were running inside and it felt great. We took it outside and I HATED it.... My coach got that I was close to actually being a runner and someone who would run on my own and I too realized it but I told myself No! No, running is for ppl who are already skinny and furthermore it gives you shin splits and it was getting too hot to run and....and...and....blah.....blah....blah....blah. You get my drift? I sabotaged my success.

Here we are three years later and I am all hyped, success driven, and getting that feeling of fear and wanting to quit creeping up again. The struggle going through my head is on one hand I know I can get a job at some non profit somewhere and make great money because I am well versed and well qualified. However, that is NOT my dream. That's not my reality. I am the SOLE business owner of Pure Peace Life Coaching and I have another plan in the works that also is solely me working for me, getting paid for MY work, my innovation and nothing feels better than watching your success unfolding before your eyes.

I promised myself that I will be strong. This time it isn't just about me. I have a husband who works hard and who needs a strong business partner, even if we aren't in the same business. Additionally there is the life that we just created. Her life is in my hands. She is my drive, my love, my happiness, my inspiration, my light, she is simply everything. Sabotaging myself isn't an option here. I have the will to succeeed and I will succeed.

Life is Sweet!!!

I encourage my clients to always see life as sweet. Too often we come to a place where we feel life is bitter or sour and we say this, we affirm that life is rough. It is a fact that we as human beings complain so much about the bitterness of life that we enroll others in our complaint and convince them that life is bitter, sour and gloomy. That is a shame! 

Life is sweet. It gets sweeter as the words come out of our mouths because we begin to believe what we say and we live life is sweet. There are a few people that I know who say life is sweet but live it otherwise. They isolate themselves, they think everything is an attack, they live on past sorrows, they say they want something and they sit around and do nothing. These people are the life is sweet imposters. They say life is sweet but live life is bitter. WAKE UP!!!!!

The sweetest part of life is that there are moments that are genuinely sour and bitter but you take those moments and you remember This To Shall Pass, you handle the situation accordingly and heal. Healing is a beautiful process which will allow you to embrace the Life Is Sweet concept fully. You only get one life as you in this body right now. What do you do? You live. You laugh! You love! You heal!

Life is sweet even when it isn't. If you can remember that you'll be good all the time. Youll be able to say say to those life is sour people that life is sweet. Life is indeed grand and they gotta stop living in that world. If they don't hear you, move on. 

Life is Sweet!!!

Who Are You?

This question has been answered by me several times over the past twenty something years. Each time I had something new to add to my resume. I used to think that things, or a job or a degree defined me. However, only when I actually started doing real work on myself did I discover that who I am is me. All I can ever be is me and that is the most comfortable and truthful answer that there is. 

Recently I became a mommy or as my girl Andrene said I am a part of the largest sorority out there, Mama Kappa Mama. Although I am me, me is my family. My daughter and husband have made me a mommy and a wife. I am no longer in the fairytale of my mind and can wake up and be a single bachelorette any more. I am those things in real life and I love it. 

Being a wife varies for every woman I am sure. The experience is one in a lifetime for me. My marriage is a partnership filled with sacrifices, negotiations, planning, work, fun, big, big, big love, passion, intrigue, yearning and overall excitment and strong spirit led cohesiveness. I guess one can learn how to be a good wife but I wouldn't recommend reading a book or anything. However, take your marriage step by step, day by day and communicate everything that you are feeling, thinking, thinking about thinking and things should go smoothly, even when they don't, they will as long as you can effectively COMMUNICATE. It's okay to seek outside advice when both parties agree or if one of you needs clarity to move you guys forward...not to gossip. What you should never do is go to ANY single person for married people advice. I don't care if it's your best friend, a single person cannot advise you on marital issues, they can't. 

I've been a mommy for eleven days now and it's been a great but trying experience. The joy of seeing Jendayi smile is unexplainable. The smile accompinied by her wide eyes is just breathtaking. When I look at her, I see a mirror. She is the creation that my husband and I made from love. We didn't plan for her because we knew she would come. We knew she would show up and bless us with her beautiful bold spirit and we accepted it. I can't help but stare at her because Jendayi is me. She literally has my face, the same face I had as a baby and it's just incredible. Being a mommy to her has made me more cautious and more observant of the people around me. I know all of the people who are here in her life are here for a reason. There are a few people who are not in her life and I'm glad because they come with their baggage and their drama. I don't want that near my baby. I realize that I was a mama lion when she was in the womb but now that she's out I'm not just mama lion, I a mama lion who is ready to pounce on anybody who even thinks about getting out of pocket with my baby girl. The stories on the news scare me. I hear the stories about the pain little kids go through at the hands of their own parents and I'm horrified. Or the family members who take advantage of newborns. Like I said though...mama lion! 

So who am I ? I am me. Me is mommy. Me is wife. I am many other things but I enjoy mommy and I enjoy wife. Life is grand and wonderful. I'm grateful for the chance to be both. I'm doing a great job. My husband and daughter make it easy. I give thanks for this opportunity. 

Thank you Jendayi and Jason. 

Thank you Creator.

What Do You Deserve?

What do you deserve is a question I pose to all of my clients. Asking what do you want is great but you can want it, but if you don't feel like you deserve it then you won't put in the work for it. Deserve means to be worthy of. Lets look at that for a moment.... TO BE WORTHY OF!!!! You as a human being is worthy of everything in this world. You are a worthy of having everything that you deserve AND more. However, it won't fall into your lap because you say you are worthy. You have to work for those things.The truth is in order to have the things you want, even if you think you are deserving it does take work.

There was this person I knew once who worked hard all throughout school. Their grades were great, attendance was perfect and the relationship with the teachers was well formed. This person was worthy of the rewards of a successful academic career. However, due to a lack of motivation towards academics and more of drive towards romance, what they once deserved was taken away. This person chose the path that they thought was the correct one but in the end due to lack of work in both academic and romantic endeavors that person became unworthy and eventually lost both things.

It takes a considerable amount of maintenance to keep the things that we are deserving of and the desire for some of those things will eventually fade, we let them go and work towards a different set of goals. I often hear people say that they deserve success...love...marriage...happiness...etc...etc... I am in no position to say who is deserving of what. However, I do know that if you prove to be unworthy all of those things that you think you deserve will indeed fade away or never manifest themselves in your life.

Naturally we say, we want success, but do you deserve it? Are you worthy of it? Well are you putting in the work for it? You cannot possibly be worthy  of success if you are not putting in the work to be successful. Ask yourself, am I getting up early enough to make it to work on time? Am I showing my boss that I am worthy of keeping my job by being on time? Once I am at work, am I a working on my tasks consistently? Am I finishing my assignments on time? Am I doing impeccable work. Be honest with yourself and see if you deserve your job...are you worthy of your job? This maybe tough to answer but you must be honest with yourself to see why your life doesn't work.

Your life can be full of worth and deserving of great things but YOU have to be focused on what it is you need to do. You can have love, you can have happiness, you can have all the success but there are things that you need to put in place in order to make sure that you get the things that you deserve. You cannot possibly say that you want success and you go to sleep at three and wake up at noon.  You cannot possible say that you want a great job but you are unsuccessful and grumpy with the one that you have. You cannot possibly want wealth if you have the same old routine and dealing with the same people. You cannot want love but you have no self love. You cannot expect to have happiness if you are holding on to gloom. It just cannot and will not work.

Life is beautiful and it can be the greatest thing if you make it. Organize your life in a way that will make you worthy. Worthiness does not just come because you say, you MUST work for it and then and only then will you receive everything that you deserve. It takes work, but once you begin to do the work and put all the steps into play, it will be second nature and it will all fall into place. It is all in your word though...all in your word.

WHAT DO YOU DESERVE?

Not sure how to find your worth? Unsure of how to organize your life?

Contact us
Email: PurePeaceLc@gmail.com
Website: www.purepeacewithlove.com
Telephone: (201)-500-7146

BEING GAY IS A SIN....(says who?)

I have been dancing and struggling with this topic for weeks now and I have said a few things but today I am ready to bare all.

I know that all three major religions have said time and again that being gay is a sin and all those who choose that lifestyle are going straight to hell. The God that I know is a benevolent and kind God who loves all of his children and created all of us in his image and likeness. That is still true, right? And God loves everyone all the time for no reason and he will never forsake any of his children. This is also still true, right? So what is all the gay bashing about coming from these so called "saved" individuals. How can you look at another human being, who is a living breathing, beautiful individual and say "You're going straight to hell." What? You mean to tell me that priests and pastors who have molested countless children, engaged in fornication, adultery and not to mention greed are going to heaven because they have repented and asked for forgiveness so  therefore they have a first class ticket to go see the Lord? Really? Meanwhile, someone who lives a good life, abides by the law, prays, and operates like everyone else is going straight to hell because they are gay? I beg your pardon? That doesn't sound like the loving merciful God to me.

In the past few weeks the world's attention has been caught by one young man's suicide. Tyler Clementi  was one of the latest victims of bullying and a violation of rights because he was gay. What is that about? What is the epidemic about? Is it new? Of course it is not new, but now because there are more GLBTQ groups around the plight is eased a little bit. When we think gay, we often imagine hardcore lesbians with bad hair cuts and wrangler jeans, or an extremely feminine man with bad makeup and a red feather boa.WAKE UP!!!! Gay, Lesbian, Transgendered and Bi-sexual people can look like anything. They aren't spectacles and they don't have to walk around with a sign that says....I AM GAY! Lately many celebrities have come out to talk about their own horror stories about being bullied because they were gay. However, just as many of them come out to speak out it seems like another gay attack occurs, and each more brutal than the next. Why?

I have heard people close to me say being gay is so nasty, its unnatural, its an abomination and the worst thing a person could do to their families. As Kyle from Glee asked, "Who the hell would choose to be ridiculed, abused and laughed at?" Some people may argue that there is no way that you could be born like that because it is unnatural. However, unnatural according to who or what? The religious books? If you are going to say its wrong because the bible said so, one of my eyebrows will go up and my mouth will form into a frown. The bible, the same tool that has been used to oppress, scare and intimidate poor people for centuries? That bible? The same bible that justified slavery and the abuse of women? Yea, I am going to go with no on this one because I refuse to turn my back on a beautiful group of people because the bible told me so. Let's not forget that the bible also says to love everyone as you love yourself.

What does Pure Peace say? Pure Peace promotes loving everyone all the time for no reason because love is always the answer. No one deserves to be punished or shamed because of a choice that was not theirs to begin with. Pure Peace doesn't recognizes all paths to GOD and love is our religion. We love everyone and we believe that everyone deserves to live in peace no matter who they are in this lifetime and we do NOT believe in punishing anyone for who they are.

If you or someone you know is having a hard time with being comfortable in their own skin and needs some light in their life, please have them contact Pure Peace Life Coaching.

You can reach us at:

Email: PurePeaceLC@gmail.com
Website: www.purepeacewithlove.com
Telephone: 201-500-7146


Love is the answer

For My Friends

The room spins for Ruben
As he's kicked again and again
His ribs crack
And his teeth click clack on the concrete
He hears his cheek bone break as his head is smashed on the bricks
He hopes this is a nightmare he can cure with cookies and milk
Across town J formerly Jesse
Is being tested by a group of men
Who hate to see her with her woman
They push her around
As she swings with precision
She kncks one in the face
But before she can get the satisfaction
Her knees bang the sidewalk
As she doubles over in pain from a kick to the tummy
From one of these assholes
They yank back her hair
And unzip their flies
The skinniest one wants to prove himself
He takes out his "prize"
And shoves it in her face
J gave him the bite of his life
Instantly she's knocked out
Uptown a gangsta wants to prove he's down
But they found out that he's on the low down
So they doused him in bleach to make him weak
And plunged his ass
So they could hear him cry
Made him strip
So they could steal his pride
By raping him over and over again of his dignity
They tell him no one will care about a maricon
A faggot
A dick sucker
And a child molester
He's a dirty little sinner
And this was his motha fucking hell
In the background on the news
A kid from Jersey killed himself
By jumping off the bridge
He was so ashamed
And so sad
That he saw no light at the end of his plight
So he ended it all with a flight to the depths of the Hudson
They say he was going to hell anyway
Those who say it's a sin to be gay
They say there's no mercy for Tyler or any other
Because their sins are greater than life itself
It doesn't matter if it's Tyler, Ruben, Jay, Jessica, Tyrone or Javier or Lynn
They all deserve a listening ear
The deserve protection
And a right to exist in peace
How dare anyone say they go to hell
Nah y'all can go to hell
Because God made them too
God made them in his image and likeness
And no one can say otherwise
The real crime and sin is that this is someone's child
Someone's precious person
And we say their life is worth less because they want to kiss men
No one deserves to be shamed for loving who they choose
No one deserves death for being a fag
They deserve life because they are human 

To Be Inspired

Inspiration comes from so many different places for me and my inspirations and aspirations have changed as I have grown. I remember being thirteen years old and my biggest inspiration at the time was Usher. Yes, Usher Raymond the singer. I figured that anyone so cute and sweet could hopefully one day be My Boo and I'll be the one he wants to have his relationship with. Usher inspired me to look for that perfect love he wrote about in his songs. Needless to say at thirteen I did not find it.

At eighteen years old I was introduced to an organization at Hunter College called SLAM (The Student Liberation Action Movement), I was inspired, mesmerized and down for the cause. SLAM planted the seeds of my revolutionary mind. SLAM opened up my eyes for the first time to really see America from a critical and analytical view through the eyes of the Civil Rights Movement and the people who fought for a livable wage, proper education, books over bombs and the list goes on. I was inspired by these group of students who took it upon themselves to raise awareness about the injustices at Hunter, NYC, NYS, USA and the whole world. I took action by protesting in the streets but more importantly my poetry flourished and grew into a force to be reckoned with. My words were strong, determined and powerful enough to capture the attention of many people. The quest for justice inspire me.

In 2005 at the age of 22 I started teaching GED in the Bronx to students who had not only been out of school for a very long time, but many of them had a hard time reading, they had felonies, some had children and many had parents who were absent or of no assistance to them. I was the same age or slightly older than many of my students, so my job was a little intimidating. However, I can only be me and I was highly trained and very skilled at my job so I just did what I do best, which is teach with compassion and respect. After only a few weeks of teaching my first GED class I was so moved. I would go home to my first apartment and really cry because the obstacles that my students had to overcome were greater than anything I could have seen in multiple lifetimes. Our program was completely voluntary so despite the odds stacked again them they still chose to come to school to change at least some of those odds. Every time I left my classroom I was so moved by the diligence and determination of my students. Of the ten students who took the GED from the very first class, seven of them passed all sections the very first time and the other three only failed one section. They went on to pass the other section six weeks later. If that didn't inspire me I didn't know what would.

I continued teaching GED but my demographic changed to teen parents. That element was powerful to watch because many of my students had no reliable childcare and they had to bring their children to class with them. To see young moms and dads with such a drive and a willingness to come to school no matter what was so inspiring that they made me a better teacher. After all, what did I have to complain about? I watched them come in and work their butts off because they wanted to be a parent that that child could look up to and be inspired by. If no one else was inspired I was. I am still inspired because I keep up with many of them on Facebook and to see their progress and the strides they have made since passing the GED is beautiful. Many of them have steady jobs, they are raising their children beautifully and some are seeking careers. The thought of their growth moves me to tears.

Although GED will forever be something I am interested in my inspiration now comes from several different places. I have to credit Oprah for being a HUGE inspiration. She rose from poverty, abuse and many doubts to be a solitary powerhouse who has inspired millions to transform their lives. They told her she couldn't and she said WATCH ME!!! That is pretty much where I am in life...WATCH ME!!! I am inspired to work for myself because I want my beautiful, little unborn daughter to know her mom as someone who stopped playing by someone else's rules and created my own game. I want her to get that anything you give your to and breathe life into, it becomes yours. My husband is also starting his own business because he too is done playing someone else's game. He inspires me because he works hard 24 hours of the day, even in his sleep his mind is working and creating ideas.


To be inspired is a beautiful thing. It can come from anywhere and once it hits you, its impossible for you to not take action. To be inspired is the have life breathed into you. A brand new breath of air. So that you can successfully pursue something that have always wanted to. I am inspired by my family, my friends, Oprah but I must say that my greatest inspiration of my life has been my students. They have pushed me to be a greater person and teacher. They took me out of my comfort zone and pushed me beyond any limits I set for myself. I am thankful for the experience. Now....WATCH ME!!!! 

Just Say Yes!!!

Recently I saw a movie called "Yes Man". It was about a man whose friend forced him to go to a seminar where you are only allowed to say "Yes". The concept itself is pretty interesting but the part that bothered me is that he did not initially choose the yes on his own. I however, am going to give you a choice.

I am asking you to say YES to you. Yes to a life you have always wanted but told yourself no for whatever reasons. It could be that you wanted to start your own business, but you told yourself  NO you couldn't have that, it's too risky. Have you ever wanted to live in another country but told yourself, NO, it's too unrealistic? Have you just been giving yourself a series of No's because you find too many reasons to not say Yes? If this is you, please stop it.

Saying stop is easier said than done, I understand that. However, everything is as easy or as difficult as you say. Let me pose this question to you, if someone offered you a guaranteed life of your dreams if you quit your job tomorrow, you'd do it, right?  Seriously, you have a guaranteed life of your dreams so most likely you would certainly quit your job and you would go with the flow. So, why don't you do that now? Why don't you stop living in your box of smallness and breakout to the life that you have always wanted to live? There are several reasons that I can see why people don't take the risk of leaping into the life of their dreams, they don't believe in their strength and their abilities to take on their life the way they want to.

Just Say Yes!!! Say Yes to living the life of your dreams because you deserve it. Say yes to being in the relationship of your dreams and stop settling because you don't believe that you are good enough. Say Yes to working for yourself as opposed to working for someone else and complaining  everyday. What do you want? What do you desire for yourself? What would make you happy? Whatever answer you come up with that would make you happy is what you should do to live a fulfilled life. What are you waiting for? Really? Your life begins when you say. All you have to do is JUST SAY YES!!!

Interested in living the life of your dreams? Email us at PurePeaceLC@gmail.com and visit our website at www.purepeacewithlove.com

Below is a song called Say Yes by Floetry...enjoy : )

Just Say Yes

"I will be broke for the next few months but I won't owe anybody any money by the time 2010 is done"

 Jessica is one of our Pure Peace fans who was asked to write a piece on her debt free journey, she accepted and this is her testimony in her own words. She was bold and courageous to share her story with us and for that we are gracious. We were certainly inspired, and we are sure you will be also.

 

-- Pure Peace

"I will be broke for the next few months, but I won't owe anybody any money by the time 2010 is done."

Over the last 5 years, I've attended and finished college, started a new job, bought a new motorcycle and new car.  Throw in a few student loans, trips to any and everywhere and a few credit cards, it's safe to say that I've accumulated quite a bit of debt. Although it may come of as so, but I am not one who spends, spends, spends.  Or a compulsive spender is what I like to call it. I plan, I save(a little) THEN I buy/spend.

 

It wasn't until about 5 months ago when I sat down and made a spread sheet showing my monthly bills that the spotlight was on me and my out of hand spending.  Now keep in mind, I THOUGHT I had it under control.  When I saw the amount going out was almost equal to the amount coming in, I then realized that I had to sit down and reevaluate my finances. 

 

I then came up with the  "I'll be broke for the next few months but I won't owe anybody any money by the time 2010 is done" mentality.  With the exception of things that I really and truly need, I've put my spending on hold.  I cook and take my lunch to work every day (Saves me about $50 a week). Instead of shopping or going on multiple trips in short periods of time, I pay bills.  With this mentality, since April I've paid off two credit cards and put myself in a position to have the rest of my student loans paid off by December of this year. It feels soooooooo good when I look at that spread sheet and I can see that slowly balances are coming down and the light at the end of the tunnel is starting to shine through. 

 

 I used to complain and say I don't understand how people can survive on my salary(it's really not that bad).  My not so controllable spending had me blinded.  Anytime my mother would hear that, she would respond with "there's people with kids, a mortgage and way more bills that make less than you that are making it work."  It's true....there are. So I put it paper, grabbed it by the reigns and now I'm counting my financial blessings.   

 

Becoming debt free takes discipline but it can be done! Take it from me....write it down, keep track of your spending and see what you can live without and put that money towards financial freedom.  Trust me....its not so bad. Plus, the end result will leave you with a natural high.  With the amount of things I've cut out, before, I thought that I would lose my head.  I'm still here.....with my head intact and doing great.  I said it on NYE.....this is my year! I've hit a few bumps in the road but overall, I think my New Years resolution will actually play out right.

Stay encouraged my friends. There's nothing to it but to do it. 

 

 

Jessica