Wednesday, August 29, 2012

When Pillars Crumble

Who champions the person who champions everyone else? Who holds up a pillar that wants to crumble? Who supports the supporter? These are the questions that I have asked myself when I was down, out and looking for someone to be in my corner but couldn't see anyone. Now, let me say, that just because I did not see anyone, it doesn't mean that no one was there. It doesn't really make any sense for a healer to heal everyone but be broken themselves. It doesn't work and it is inauthentic. To truly be a healer and a champion of people, the healer must know thyself well enough to heal thyself.  How does that become a reality? Look within. Self analysis and self healing should be at the core of anyone who works with people. Also, another HUGE component is that every healer needs someone that they can go to in order to release. A part of self analysis is knowing when to reach out.

Most of my clients are women who are strong, independent, moms, executives or in a role where they are the primary go to person in  every situation. These women champion people every day. They work hard, and very seldom find any time to play or even rest sometimes. These women work tirelessly. They work through illness, depression, frustration and loneliness all with a bright smile. That is not a foreign scene in communities where women are at the core of keeping everything together. We witness strong smiles but seldom do we see the tears of pain and isolation that are cried in bed and alone. We don't see these women fall apart in the face of worry, anxiety or stress, we see smiles, and we hear them say yes even when do not have to energy to truly help, but they help anyway. Who champions these women? Who can, if they won't let anyone in though? I have watched my mom work hard, go from job to job and still come home and get a million things done. However, I do not witness satisfaction, joy or bliss when she tired like that but there are no complaints. The thing is though, I do not know my mom to talk about her burdens, pains or heartaches... I never heard her talk about those things, nor any of the women in my family. They just push through their pain. Is that safe though? Is that okay?

It isn't. It isn't okay nor safe to be dealing with stress and not talk about it. It isn't safe to be dealing with a tremendous amount of heartache only to suppress it. What ends up happening is that the smile will eventually fade and turn to a grimace. The sunshine will eventually set and to those looking on they won't overstand the shift because to them it would seem sudden, not knowing the pain that had been brewing for years, maybe decades.Women of color are taught to just deal with their issues silently. Speaking to professionals about our issues is often looked upon as taboo, weird or things that white people do.However, at the core we all hurt and we all want to be loved. Somewhere down the line we get a hard disappointment and we don't talk about it, so we tattoo that pain on our souls and we judge every situation, person and lesson by that one disappointment. We collect disappointments like trophies in our communities and we let them stack up and we wear that pain around our bellies, on our shoulders and  in our thighs. We put the disappointments into our cooking, the way we speak to our children and how we live our lives. We become overweight, scared, safe, shut down, paranoid, angry, bitter but strong. Is that kind of strength really worth it? I am going to take a stand and say NO!

We all need someone in our corner. The best of us have coaches, Jordan, Woods, Williams, Bolt, Jeter and countless others. We all need someone who we can go to so that we can vent, communicate pain and receive advice or in my case coaching. Being strong is knowing when to ask for support. Being strong is breaking your silence when you realize that it is killing you slowly. Being strong is talking out your issues with a professional as opposed to taking your frustration out on your children. Being strong is knowing when to simply say "I need help." This is where I come in, that's my job. My job is to champion those who champion others. My job is to heal those whose wounds go so deep that  they began to accept them as a part of their lives. My job is to help people live the life they want and not just the life they think that they have to live. My job is to help you transform your life into love. Allow me to do my job while you rest from doing yours.

Tahira West
Pure Peace Life Coaching

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