Friday, December 16, 2011

Let It Go

I am learning a lot about myself and the more I learn is the more I appreciate the person I have become. I am getting to the source of my anger towards certain people. What keeps coming up is that I am not really angry but deeply hurt. I don't think I have any new pain but just wounds that have never healed from a long time ago. I also learn that I keep those wounds really fresh. There is a part of me that is addicted to my pain and my suffering. I've had these wounds for so long that they have become a part of me that I cannot live without. That needs to change.

The biggest part of my healing will come from me letting go of these painful memories that reoccur constantly. When anything in my life doesn't go as plan, I contribute it to something from my past that needs to get complete. I just have not been willing to do the work. I know that having conversations with certain people will free me from this emotional prison I have put myself in but I have yet to work up the courage to do so. I know what I need to do and I'm committed to doing it but I am scared. I have a fear that I will say what I have to say and I will be met with animosity, more pain and rejection. Oddly enough a part of me will be just fine with that. I realize though that just by me writing this I am a step closer to my freedom.

I realize that in order to be the most effective life coach, I must take my own coaching. I cannot effectively coach in closure, and completion until I master these things first. I am committed to my own personal growth and healing. I am clear that once I get free and clear of those things lurking in my past I will be able to be truly live the life that I want. That alone makes my heart smile.

The life that I will have once my painful past is complete will be a life filled with the right to be happy and not having to wonder if what I'm experiencing is too good to be true. I will be able to be present to my blessings, my joy and my happiness and I will relish in those moments. Life is too good to consumed by my past pains, it's just a slap in the face to my present and my present is in fact a gift. The best gift in the entire world.

I want the same freedom that I want for myself to everyone that I come into contact with. It's so sad to live a life holding on to a grudge or not willing to forgive. Anytime we choose not to forgive we are only destroying ourselves. Not forgiving is like holding on to a fire, waiting to burn the person who hurt you but in the mean time you are burning yourself up. Why? For what? Let your past go, leave it there and live your present powerfully.


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