Thursday, November 18, 2010

Comfort in Chubby

Writing from a place of coaching is easy for me, because in order to coach I have to be real with myself. I have to deal with my own issues around life issues in order to be an effective coach. This topic is one of those issues that has been a part of my life for a while and I now feel comfortable talking about it.

I have many friends who have been battling chubbiness. Their weight goes up and down, but in general up and they hate it. I have my own issues with my weight, I say I have a desire to lose it, I watch my weight for a moment, then I stop. I start a fun kickboxing class, then stop and finally I had to look into myself to see why I keep sabotaging my weight loss. Why do I say I want to lose weight but refuse to take actions consistent with that? Well, the answer may surprise you, I find major comfort in being chubby. Comfort? How could I be comfortable? The truth is that the attention that comes along with being slim freaks me out. Yes!!! I have a fear and a paranoia about be physically harmed, and my logic is that no one is going to mess with a chubby girl but skinny girls get kidnapped and harmed all the time. Crazy? Maybe, but a real fear of mine.

Now that I am aware of what the sabotage is about, I have taken several steps to manage my weight. I certainly eat smaller portions, I take short walks with my daughter daily and I don't eat just because.  Doing that alone has allowed me to lose eighteen pounds since the birth of my baby a little less than a month ago. However, the biggest difference is that I have actually shared this with my husband. It is important for me to share things, because then I can hear myself say them and get real about what I need to do. The bigger issue is indeed the crazy paranoia. How to deal with the paranoia? Talk it out, and always remember that it is not real, there is no room for physical harm and kidnapping in my world, and it is NOT  a reason to not lose weight. It just isn't.

There are a couple things occurring here. Sabotaging one's weight loss, an intense and paralyzing paranoia but combating both things with communication. Many of you who have wanted to lose weight have a similar story about sabotage. Diets that fail, workouts that fail, plans that fail and if you lost any weight at all, you gained it all back and some because you think that because you've failed anyway, it won't matter. When you give up on your plan to lose weight, you give up on your health and on yourself. You have to first be clear for whom are you losing this weight? If you know that the weight loss is not for you, do not do it. If the weight loss is for you, don't focus so much on the long term goal, but really take it day by day. Literally, day by day give yourself a pep talk, check in with yourself, how are you feeling? How is your day going to go? Remind yourself that today is a new day, a new you and you will succeed at your goals because you declared it. Once you check in with you, then you need to check it with someone you trust to get you through your day. Someone who will support you when you begin to slip and slide down the slippery slope that we call quitting. Have them remind you why you are doing this and gently ask you some questions that will get you present to your goals. Once you manage to do this daily, maintain a balanced diet, exercise to your comfort and the daily pep talks with yourself and your partner, you will have recognizable results in no time.

My paranoia stems from too much Law &Order SVU...truly. I love the show, and I cannot help but watch the marathons on TV, but it has definitely increased my fear of being assaulted. What am I going to do about it? Take myself right back to a kickboxing class, so I can be a walking weapon. I am not committed to fear, nor hiding so I will take my life in my hands and properly prepare myself for anything that comes my way. However, due to the fact that I am committed to love, and loving everyone all the time I am pretty sure no harm will come my way in any event.

How to lose weight the Pure Peace way:

1. Why do you want to lose weight? (List all your reasons why)
2. What obstacles are in your way around weight loss? (List all reasons why)
3. Realize that your obstacles are just obstacles and they can cease to exist the moment you say ENOUGH
4. Write a mantra that you will recite daily to remind yourself why you are losing weight
5. Recruit two to three people who will be your cheerleaders. The role of these people is to support you with   your goal and to motivate you when you do not want to continue.

Have fun...enjoy your process, enjoy your steps. If you want more details about this please do not hesitate to reach out.

Tahira West-Sylvan


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